by Phindile Tapula, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
I want to chat to moms who want to experience joy and peace every day in their lives. This is for moms who want to enjoy motherhood and even through its hurdles, experience the calm in the storm. A life filled with joy, love and peace is possible. You can have it all, if you work on it all.
Most moms do not even recognize themselves after having children. This was me and still is me sometimes. We get so entangled on the wellbeing of our children and tend to forget about our own wellbeing
There is spiritual awakening offered by the parent-child relationship. This relationship acts as a mirror for you to see your triggers, strengths and weaknesses. The role of a mom is one that changes as the child grows but one thing is for sure, it offers an opportunity to truly align and be grounded in order to give your child a wholesome life.
From the very beginning in our journey to motherhood, we connect with our babies during pregnancy. At the infant stage, we are still inseparable from our babies. They depend on us for food and nourishment. We’re their superheroes and their safe haven. Letting go at toddler age is tough with the tantrums. We think our children are misbehaving and maybe we as their parents did something wrong. As our children grow, we are beckoned to go back to our authentic selves, to fully experience spiritual awakening again.
Moms, in our businesses, careers and motherhood journeys - we can only do our best when we are at our best.
Commit today to letting go of control and let your children become individuals free from your approval and disappointment. Let go for wanting to continually pour and start to embrace filling yourself up.
I present to moms - Mindfulness. Constantly being in a state of appreciating and savouring the current moment. We often talk about yesterday and tomorrow and the present without fully understanding what we mean. It is remarkable how productive we can be if we surrendered to the present moment. To fully be in it without the edge to attach any emotions to it, especially negative emotion. To be fully here, now.
Mindfulness will change your perspective; you will overcome and go through challenges. You will learn to surrender to life and let life take you places where your deepest treasures are stored.
I am not promising you a life where you do not yell or lose your temper once in a while. I am promising you that if you embrace mindfulness - you will learn to observe yourself when you lose your center. Instead of yelling for an hour, it will be definitely shorter because a state of mindfulness will overcome you again. You will fall, but you must get up. You will experience pain, and disappointment but you will not take everything hurtful as personally anymore.
How will you know that you are no longer mindful? Monitor your moods and emotions. Look at the moments where you are moody and irritable; listen to what your mind is saying. That is when you will realize you are in that moment, fully experiencing peace beneath your unsettled mind; Mindfulness is being able to observe in peace and surrender to what is. Mindfulness is about accepting in order to go through.
So, let’s get practicing. Let’s start with dedicating each day 5 minutes to think about things you are grateful for. The good vibrations will allow you to really experience calmness- that is mindfulness.
Join me on our Working Moms’ Club Instagram page as we unpack more and help moms unlock their hidden joy and help them live the lives they deserve.
Phindile Tapula is passionate about Community Development pertaining skills development and education for the youth. She is experienced in driving life changing community development campaigns. Passionate about self-development and leadership, she works and speaks with young people across the Gauteng Province in South Africa, motivating and coordinating her vision and goal setting workshops through her organization, Bhekizenzo Foundation. Her skillset is based on project design, brand awareness and organizational surveys, amongst many others. Phindile has strong, professional media and communications expertise, particularly with event coordination and campaign strategy planning. She has obtained a Bachelor’s degree in Political Studies and Sociology at the University of Witswatersand Johannesburg. Learn more.
More articles by Phindile
by Phindile Tapula (Ndlovu)
I used to lay awake at night thinking about my business. I would have these ideas about scaling and launching. I would be so excited and eventually sleep would come and as you can imagine, when I woke up, I would have a hazy view of my ideas. I would grow so frustrated trying to remember that million dollar idea, I would even try to pen my idea down, yet I would not manage to remember everything. “Why wasn’t writing my idea down?” would be what I would ask…
by Phindile Ndlovu-Tapula
Yes, I know you are probably wondering why I am writing again. I have asked that question myself several times too. You see I haven’t been able to write, felt like I have nothing to say and that no one is listening anyway. But something kept pushing to write, so I am here again.
by Phindile Ndlovu-Tapula
I started the Working Moms’ Club after I had my first baby. It was 11 months after I gave birth. I was doing it, I was a Mom to this incredible human, and I had a tribe of women to thank for my sanity. I had support and advice from loving women who wanted me to thrive. Motherhood felt like second nature and as much I was born to do this, without my tribe, it sure was going to be tougher.
by Phindile Ndlovu-Tapula
I lovingly challenge you to randomly ask people how they are doing. I bet you the majority will be complaining! I used to have a habit of replying “Eish, I am trying” until someone asked,” When are you ever good or well?” I was stunned, I was good and well most days, but I often felt the need to not say it and opted for this mediocre which served my mental wellbeing in no way. Because I was saying it , I ended up feeling it. I was going about my days barely making it, surviving, trying.
by Phindile Ndlovu-Tapula
Motherhood is not a full-time job, and it is not a job, period. I often hear and read people calling Motherhood a job and I get really offended. I get offended because I wish it were, but it is not, okay? It is not!
By Phindile Ndlovu- Tapula
Hello Moms! Who else feels like stress loves them or they are in fact in love with stress? Does stress get you down, binge eating and moody? Does your mind race during the night fixing problems and anticipating for problems?
By Phindile Ndlovu–Tapula
Moms - Let’s talk nanny trouble! In the midst of a global pandemic, most of our children are home as schools remain closed. This means we have to get help because for most of us, we are back in the office. I, for one, had to get our nanny back.
by Phindile Ndlovu–Tapula
When we switch on our phones and open our social media applications we are bombarded with many people who seem to just always get it right. We often feel the pressure to act as though we have cracked the code, our businesses are booming, and we are eating healthily.
by Phindile Ndlovu, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
Facing the same dilemma too? We actually don’t have to. A few weeks ago, I wrote on how moms can use screen time to get some work done. Screen time is awesome in the sense that your child gets entertainment, learns and sees new things but too much of it can really disempower your child. So, what do we do?
by Phindile Tapula, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
I want to chat to moms who want to experience joy and peace every day in their lives. This is for moms who want to enjoy motherhood and even through its hurdles, experience the calm in the storm. A life filled with joy, love and peace is possible. You can have it all, if you work on it all.
by Phindile Tapula, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
Working from home is tough during this pandemic outbreak. As a mom, this time is demanding. From scheduling and prioritizing playtime, preparing food more often than before, being on time and prepared for Zoom meetings. I have decided to share some tips for moms to stay sane and better manage working from home. Disclaimer, these tips work for me, they may not work for you. I am sharing them in order to inspire moms to establish their own systems. I suggest you try these tips and if they work, great and if they don’t - change them and make up your own.
by Phindile Tapula, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
As women we love clothes, we want our hair and skins to always look refreshed and healthy. I recently had an event themed around the frustrations and blessings of being a woman. The ladies shared that weight really influences their confidence. Skin problems was a topic where the ladies wanted to have more information on skincare as pimples and uneven skin really influences their confidences.
by Phindile Ndlovu, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
There is nothing worse than being an entrepreneur and mother that does not have a working space; the children want to open the laptop, press it. They whine and want your attention. You have a deadline; it is a nightmare. Well, great news, I can relate. Replying to emails is a chore; drafting a proposal is just impossible.
by Phindile Ndhlovu, founder and director, Bhekizenzo Foundation
When I was in university, 2 years ago, I wondered how my life would end up. I was worried. My academics were bad as I was involved with student activism and part-time jobs. I was a full-time student that studied part-time. I was a pregnant unemployed graduate. I had to step up for my precious boy’s arrival. I was not born with entrepreneurship flowing in my blood, life kind of forced that on me.
by Phindile Ndlovu, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
Like any other relationship, mentorship requires two individuals who put in the effort. I recently spoke to both a mentor and mentees. They were passionate about the issues they faced. The mentors blamed the mentees, the mentees blamed the mentors. I soon realized that it is easier to see the fault of someone else rather than acknowledging the role you played.
by Phindile Ndlovu, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
I realized something the other day. I was so miserable, wondering if my job fulfilled me and if entrepreneurship is worth it. I was tired of feeling anxious, tight deadlines and constant cultivating relationships. Have you ever just wanted to stumble across a few million Rands and then switch off your phone? Spend your money and not worry about anything? Well, that was me, unmotivated and frustrated.
by Phindile Ndlovu, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
Confession time. What is it that you do that stops you from being the best version of yourself? Let’s cut out the buzzwords and be real - what are doing to stop you from living the life you want?
by Phindile Ndlovu
We fear taking risks. We are told to focus on one thing! We maintain the status quo. We do not apply for our dream jobs because we do not tick all the boxes. We are scared of registering for that course that everyone says is difficult. We are okay with blending in because no one will criticise us. But is this the way to live? Are we truly living if we are living in fear? I reckon not.
by Phindile Ndlovu
Last week, I attended the Facebook and Lionesses of Africa International Women’s Day event in Johannesburg on 8 March. I started having small conversations with the ladies attending and quickly realized that around five of the ladies I spoke with had new born babies, just like me. We ended up exchanging nanny tips, we talked abut our hectic schedules, and shared how these days we hardly get time to put on lipstick.
by Phindile Ndlovu, founder and director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
This year I started with a bang and did an interview with one of the leading news channels. I thought this was going to put me on the map. Well, it did for the first two days. Afterwards, I was old news. People were on to the next trend, posting pictures of the #10yearchallenge.
by Phindile Ndlovu
I was massaging my mother’s feet when I was about 9 years old when she asked me, “Phindile, what do you want to be when you grow up?” I answered so enthusiastically, “I want to be a social worker.” She then gave me this disapproving frown and repeated “A social worker?” in a tone to check if I was sure about my answer. I gave it a thought and quickly changed my mind and with the same enthusiasm I said, “Okay, a doctor!”
by Phindile Ndlovu, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
There are so many things I witness every day on my way to work. I see the same people rushing to work late. I see school children excited and almost dancing their way to school transport services. I also see ladies fixing their make up in vehicles by the robots. What struck my attention was when I saw two different sets of people - the sellers and the beggars in the streets.
by Phindile Ndlovu, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
My response to the question “Are you not too young?” My age often comes up and people are not only shocked but worried about the responsibilities I have acquired. I am 22 years old, married, have a two months old son, and I am a social entrepreneur.
by Phindile Ndlovu, founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
We are urged so many times to support our local brands, to support small businesses, and even support black female owned businesses. We are encouraged to support those who are from disadvantaged groupings, who have stepped out and took the risk of starting businesses. I concede - starting a business coming from a disadvantaged position is hard and you need a good support system. When that business does not go well that month, that means the bills will not be paid and the family will struggle to have food on the table. So yes, we need to support, local, small and black owned businesses.
by Phindile Ndlovu, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
Gone are the days where cellphones were limited to phone-calls and messaging. Gone are the days where communication was slow and restricted by borders. Globalization, a cliché that remains relevant, has changed the way we do things. We talk, brand ourselves and trade differently. Ultimately business has changed.
by Phildile Ndlovu, founder of Bhekizenzo Foundation
I was about to complete my degree when I realized that I had no idea what to do with it. I was applying for jobs frantically and I was not getting called back for interviews. So, instead of entering a state of panic, I went back to my core and rekindled my passion for social justice which has been a common thread in everything I have been involved in. Social justice and bringing social change has always been a passion. Being in a leadership academy, I just knew I had to start something and not wait to be employed in order to change lives.
We don’t know our strength until we are tested! We do not know what we can achieve until we start getting to work. Imagine a situation where the world as you knew it, has changed. Your whole family structure, living arrangement, and budget changed. This was me. I woke up one day, and my life was changing. I was divorcing. I remember feeling depressed and down and out. I remember feeling suicidal and hopeless. I saw how I was losing myself and I knew I had to make a choice. I could either keep ruminating or I could get up and take things step by step. As much as I did not know where it came from, I found that deep in my broken heart, I had hope. I believed that a better ending would prevail, and so, I got up. At first, I knew I had to refuel because I had nothing to pour into my business. I also knew I must heal and be whole to be creative in my craft.