by Phindile Ndlovu, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
There is nothing worse than being an entrepreneur and mother that does not have a working space; the children want to open the laptop, press it. They whine and want your attention. You have a deadline; it is a nightmare. Well, great news, I can relate. Replying to emails is a chore; drafting a proposal is just impossible.
Word has it on the grapevine that motherhood and entrepreneurship can live in harmony. I want to reach out to the moms who feel trapped because they feel guilty when they work, or feel inadequate when they cannot calm a child who is throwing a tantrum.
I am here to share that the child-parent relationship can be the everything that allows us to step onto the next level. Conscious parenting! Consciousness is the knowing and the mindfulness of this moment, this moment, this moment…and the next. It is not thinking about the deadline during playtime. It is not thinking about bath time during a meeting. It is about appreciating each moment and fully experiencing it. It is about shutting up the mind that can go on and on and on.
You know what I mean. The non-stop chatter “How long is this meeting going to last, I must fetch my son from school” type of talk? It is time we silence it. Be present. Separate work from mommy-hood. Great news? It can be done.
I got an early Christmas present about conscious parenting. It was a book form someone whose opinion and advice I value. At first it sounded like the book was promoting defiance and tantrums. The more I read, the more I realized that the relationship I had with my son was one where I ruled and he had to obey. Approaching terrible two’s - I was growing more frustrated with how he wanted his way, from the time to eat to what he wanted to eat. He was even picking his clothes.
The book explores mindfulness. I knew all about this idea, However, those principles have been lost in my quest to run a business and find more business. I was losing sight of my son as an actual person who is emotionally maturing. Most children cry when they tired or frustrated; they just need to be taught to express his emotions.
This book made it clear that there is always a reason for a child’s behaviour, staying connected to the child assists in figuring out what the child needs at every moment. This is why we have to be mindful individuals to be able to connect with each and every moment with our children.
This truth has allowed me to embrace play time and become firm during bath time or eating time. It also means I negotiate certain things. My son slowly senses that “mom is always on my side, wanting me to be safe and secure”, we are able to sit together while I work and while he watches TV. The golden rule is to keep to my promises - If I asked for 30 minutes, I must keep my end of the bargain.
I have come to understand that It is not easy, but quality over quantity is the trick. I am a happy mom and as a result have a happy home, which ultimately leads to happy hustling. How we feel about our parenting determines how well we can be effective and efficient in all our other roles. When I feel good about myself as a mom, I excel in all other areas.
Imagine yourself not having to be guilty about screaming at your bundle of joy in the morning because he did not want to eat marmalade. Imagine yourself just getting your child and knowing exactly what your child needs from you every time. Imagine being patient with yourself because this kind of parent does not exist overnight, it takes practice, communicating.
I humbly encourage you to ask yourself why you set the rules you do. Trust me, most times will be because they made you feel in control. I encourage you today to let it go and focus on your precious child.
Invest in the relationship you have with your children; you will be happier and ready to build an empire! No more dictating and “I know what is best.” Lead from a place of patience, love and compassion. Isn’t it how we should be leading our businesses anyway?
Phindile Ndlovu is passionate about Community Development pertaining skills development and education for the youth. She is experienced in driving life changing community development campaigns. Passionate about self-development and leadership, she works and speaks with young people across the Gauteng Province in South Africa, motivating and coordinating her vision and goal setting workshops through her organization, Bhekizenzo Foundation. Her skillset is based on project design, brand awareness and organizational surveys, amongst many others. Phindile has strong, professional media and communications expertise, particularly with event coordination and campaign strategy planning. She has obtained a Bachelor’s degree in Political Studies and Sociology at the University of Witswatersand Johannesburg. Learn more.
More articles by Phindile