by Phindile Ndlovu, Founder and Director of Bhekizenzo Foundation
Like any other relationship, mentorship requires two individuals who put in the effort. I recently spoke to both a mentor and mentees. They were passionate about the issues they faced. The mentors blamed the mentees, the mentees blamed the mentors. I soon realized that it is easier to see the fault of someone else rather than acknowledging the role you played.
I will say this, there are bad mentors out there, I agree, but I believe the mentees have the responsibility to start the relationship and give the mentor no reason to be a bad mentor. Great mentors are mentors that have great mentees. I suggested all the mentees go and draft their life plan or vision. I encouraged them to see that this will allow the mentor to have something to advise on and support. I also urged mentees to research and ask knowledgeable questions. The mentor is not Google. With that said, mentors have an active role to play too.
What is a mentor?
Mentors also need to understand their role, they are not mentors to mother someone, shout at them, force them to eat their veggies. Mentors are advisers and supporters. It is so much easier to advise someone who has a vision, and it is fulfilling to support a vision that the mentee is passionate about.
The benefits of being an interested mentor
Mentors seem to be only interested in the academic and professional growth of the mentees, ignoring the personal growth and development of the mentee. Such a relationship is not interesting because you can only chat so much about school and work. The mentee has to tell the mentor what they feel, think, what makes them happy, and what is stressing them out. When the relationship explores the personal arena, the mentees will trust the mentor and there will be chemistry. When a mentor knows their mentee well, it is easy to get tickets to an event you know the mentee will love and learn from. It is easier to plug in the mentee to part-time job opportunities because you would know the mentees priority which in some cases could be needing extra money. Knowing your mentee’s means you know their strengths and weaknesses; you can really develop the mentee holistically.
Mentors need to understand that is it better to be interested than being interesting. Be interested in the whole person and definitely, you will see areas you can assist that have academic and professional needs of the mentee.
What do you do when the relationship has taken the knock?
Communicate! Yes, like any other relationship such a friendship, marriage, parent and child-relationship, there will be clashing and conflict. Communicate and do so respectfully. I believe there is nothing that can ruin a relationship, everything can be fixed with honestly, remorse and repentance. When your mentor or mentees have done something, raise it up respectfully and open yourself to what they say, it is all about perspective. Perspective is everything, and while you are certain the person is wrong, you would be surprised at how right they think they are. When you realize this, you will appreciate someone seeing things your way and apologize for not considering your perspective. Relationships are not black and white, they are very much grey, so embrace this, embrace the other person and be interested.
Phindile Ndlovu is passionate about Community Development pertaining skills development and education for the youth. She is experienced in driving life changing community development campaigns. Passionate about self-development and leadership, she works and speaks with young people across the Gauteng Province in South Africa, motivating and coordinating her vision and goal setting workshops through her organization, Bhekizenzo Foundation. Her skillset is based on project design, brand awareness and organizational surveys, amongst many others. Phindile has strong, professional media and communications expertise, particularly with event coordination and campaign strategy planning. She has obtained a Bachelor’s degree in Political Studies and Sociology at the University of Witswatersand Johannesburg. Learn more.
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