By Phindile Ndlovu–Tapula

Moms - Let’s talk nanny trouble! In the midst of a global pandemic, most of our children are home as schools remain closed. This means we have to get help because for most of us, we are back in the office. I, for one, had to get our nanny back.

Trust is the key ingredient for having a helper or nanny. I am sad to say that my helper/nanny and I lost this trust. After a number of valuable things went missing, I chose to forgive my helper and give her a benefit of the doubt that she did not steal from us. It backfired! She came back and now things got worse. She did not pay attention to the child. I came home to a soiled diaper, 2 days in a row. Not as in the baby just relieved themselves a few minutes ago - no, more like this has been the case for the past 2 hours. The last day was when I came home and he had a bruise in his forehead because he was said to have fallen while playing.

I couldn’t anymore, I had to let her go. I know she might have not stolen from me and maybe she was busy and forgot to change his nappies. Maybe he did fall and she tried to save him but it was too late. But Trust was broken and I could not risk it.

I am not advocating for moms to be paranoid and mistreat their helpers at all. I am merely saying, a mother’s instincts and gut is right majority of the time. We just know when something is not right. Our bodies tell us, the energy tells us. Majority of the time, we don’t even have to put in webcams in house to see if something wrong occurs when we are gone. We somehow just know and choose to ignore the signs - in most cases, react when it is too late.

To the helpers and nannies out there, we appreciate your help. We love and care deeply for you. We also can be crazy people to anyone who brings harm to our children. We do not want to take chances or keep forgiving. We just want you to get it right the first time. This by the way, is not the standard that only applies to you. We hold ourselves to the same standards hence we beat ourselves up for being too harsh on our children or when we are too busy to be present for playtime. We lay awake at night thinking about our mistakes, wishing we were perfect.

There is no solution except mindfulness. Both nanny and mom. Understanding that this present moment is all you will ever experience. The past is experienced as this present moment and the future will come and become this moment. We must do better and be present in order to be exactly what the child needs for this moment. Our children do this practice best, they cry now, and right now again are singing nursery rhymes. They do not dwell on the past or the future - so why should we?

When you are present as a mom, you will kiss guilt for working goodbye. Your reaction to your child’s needs will be apt. As a nanny will be able to be there for the child, be patient and diligent in your work. Let’s cut the trying to be perfect to our children or to our employers as helpers. Let us focus on being our best during this moment. When we are giving our best now - the future will take care of itself?

I hope my experience helps moms who have been ignoring their gut to take a moment and listen. I hope it helps nannies to do so much better when taking care of children. I hope this message encourages all of us to seek this moment and fully savour it. Your mental health needs it, the child you are caring for needs it more.

Phindile Ndlovu–Tapula is passionate about Community Development pertaining skills development and education for the youth. She is experienced in driving life changing community development campaigns. Passionate about self-development and leadership, she works and speaks with young people across the Gauteng Province in South Africa, motivating and coordinating her vision and goal setting workshops through her organization, Bhekizenzo Foundation. Her skillset is based on project design, brand awareness and organizational surveys, amongst many others. Phindile has strong, professional media and communications expertise, particularly with event coordination and campaign strategy planning. She has obtained a Bachelor’s degree in Political Studies and Sociology at the University of Witswatersand Johannesburg. Learn more.