by Phindile Ndlovu
We don’t know our strength until we are tested! We do not know what we can achieve until we start getting to work. Imagine a situation where the world as you knew it, has changed. Your whole family structure, living arrangement, and budget changed. This was me. I woke up one day, and my life was changing. I was divorcing. I remember feeling depressed and down and out. I remember feeling suicidal and hopeless. I saw how I was losing myself and I knew I had to make a choice. I could either keep ruminating or I could get up and take things step by step. As much as I did not know where it came from, I found that deep in my broken heart, I had hope. I believed that a better ending would prevail, and so, I got up. At first, I knew I had to refuel because I had nothing to pour into my business. I also knew I must heal and be whole to be creative in my craft.
In life and business – things change, and disasters as we may call them, are inevitable. We may find that we have a habit of starting and stopping plans. We may struggle with consistency and this blog will help you to practically let go of expectations, and guilt and help you build systems to sustain real change.
I am sharing this because I know how it feels to be at rock bottom - to be at rock bottom and just when you think, “It can’t get worse,” the worst happens. How do we bounce back? How do find the hope and ability to go on again? We do not know our strength until we decide to test our boundaries. I believe we, especially women have so much strength and while we won’t romanticize struggle and dysfunction - I will celebrate our ability to remain standing when life tries to throw us down. I admire how we do not stay down!
So, let me help you to get up, girl!
Set intentions and not goals
Every year, every quarter, we end up with goals, and we feel energized but before we know it, we are regressing. I often felt like a failure, asking myself, “Are you even serious?” Why do we end up in the same place every year - the scale not going down, unable to work on our business consistently? After reading atomic habits, I think the problem is how we see ourselves. We think the goals are meant to change us, the very essence of who we are. We focus on the goal rather than the person we will become once we have achieved the goals. Let us go deeper. When I set a target of losing 5 kg in 4 weeks, it becomes demoralizing when I fail, but I could have only lost 3 kg and yet become overall healthier and more fit than when I started. Failing to see the small changes and impact, I may regress and lose hope. If we change our mindset and focus on being a person who is healthy and fit, staying the course and on the journey will be easier because I am not controlled by the scale. Setting an intention allows us to look at the bigger picture and have a growth mindset and not judgmental self-talk on days when you had chocolate or skipped gym.
Another example is how we may be tired of the inconsistency of our efforts in our businesses - instead of aiming to post twice every day, I humbly challenge you to focus on building a business that has quality engagement with customers. It allows us to be intentional with the content we create and generally the effort we put towards our business. Looking long-term and outlining the mission as opposed to goals and targets will help us to do more and be more impactful. So, Mom Entrepreneurs, when looking to level up in life, think about the long-term mission and vision and set intentions and not goals. That’s how you build a lifestyle, it is not about the scale but the habit.
Building a routine
I will admit, I am the first person to press that snooze button, trust me! I sometimes even set my alarm for earlier because I know it will snooze at least 3 times. Yes, I need more than one alarm before I actually get up. We need a routine. Routine is exactly that, something that happens at expected intervals. This is hard because some of us believe in spontaneity, but the truth is, when there is little structure, it will become more likely that we skip gym, to not meal prep therefore ordering more takeaways, the list can go on and on. A routine feels brutal, but it is great for our peace of mind. Decide on a reasonable routine. The trick is not to bombard your schedule with things to do every day. The below table can help you decide how you want your routine to go. It is important to start small and incrementally add to your day. No day is the same, so be realistic when setting a routine and allow for pockets of spontaneity.
Your routine may be different and much simpler at first but what is important is to ensure that it has the long-term mission in mind. If I wanted to be a healthier and fit person, I would prioritize my afternoon walks. If it is about being a consistent content creator, I would prioritize the weekend time as a working mom to shoot content.
So, where should you start?
Do away with your list of goals and focus on the type of person you want to be. Start outlining how they live, their habits, how they spend their time, what their environment is like, and the people they choose to have around them. I hope from my blogs you will learn systems and tools to help you feel unstuck and to be more impactful. The Working Moms Club is not only about Mom-Entrepreneurship but also about ensuring moms can pause and attend to their wellness. The Working Moms’ Club is a platform for moms to be part of a community where we can navigate motherhood and its ups and downs together. I hope you will stay here and feel safe here.
Phindile Ndlovu–Tapula is passionate about Community Development pertaining skills development and education for the youth. She is experienced in driving life changing community development campaigns. Passionate about self-development and leadership, she works and speaks with young people across the Gauteng Province in South Africa, motivating and coordinating her vision and goal setting workshops through her organization, Bhekizenzo Foundation. Her skillset is based on project design, brand awareness and organizational surveys, amongst many others. Phindile has strong, professional media and communications expertise, particularly with event coordination and campaign strategy planning. She has obtained a Bachelor’s degree in Political Studies and Sociology at the University of Witswatersand Johannesburg. Learn more.
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