by Lori Milner
Your alarm goes off at 6 am because you promised to start exercising…again. When you reach over to turn off the alarm, your mind tells you it's cold and dark and you should hit snooze for another ten minutes. What do you do? These next few minutes will determine the trajectory of your day. If you keep your promise to yourself, you generate energy, self-confidence and a deep sense of self-trust.
If you break the agreement with yourself, you generate self-loathing, guilt and a negative spiral for the day ahead. You don't intentionally break this agreement as a deliberate self-sabotaging move; it almost feels like it happened to you without your consent or permission.
To prevent scenario two, here are things to consider to set you up for success so you can keep the promises you make to yourself because this is the root of self-confidence.
Your morning routine begins the night before
To prevent the inner critic from winning the war on your self-care, decide the night before exactly what you want to do when you wake up and what you can put in place to manage your environment to set you up for success.
Is it laying out exercise clothes, preparing smoothie ingredients, and having the mat, book, journal, and pen ready? Do you need to download anything or source a username and password?
Clarity and managing your environment will always put you on the path to keeping your promises.
What will you tell yourself?
Your mind is wired for protection; its job is to keep you safe, so naturally will entice you to stay warm and comfortable. You need an anchor thought ready to redirect the mind when it starts its nonsense. Make it comical and give your inner critic a name, 'Bob, I'm not listening to you today; I'm going to go for my walk'.
Or you can dedicate the activity to someone else and have them in your mind when you are debating hitting snooze. You can even remind yourself, 'Just do the next right thing'. This micro choice of how you respond to your inner critic will determine your self-talk for the rest of the day.
Once you can anticipate the inner dialogue and know what to expect, you can manage it better without feeling charged and intimidated by your mind but with a sense of power over it.
On that track, beware of all-or-nothing thinking. Do you tell yourself, I only have twenty minutes, so I may as well not start and try again tomorrow? If that's all the time available, you will be astounded about what you can achieve in twenty minutes.
Better yet, if twenty feels like a stretch, how about starting with five minutes? Introduce a system of keeping your promise; then, you can figure out how to expand on it.
Focus on how you will feel after
The biggest mistake you can make is to focus on how you feel when you wake up. Of course, you are going to feel cold and tired. Your focus must be on how you will feel afterwards – the sense of pride and significance knowing you can do hard things.
Focus on the win and how you own your day when you make the harder choice rather than living with the harder consequences of not doing it.
Avoid your emails or messages
The habit of quickly checking your messages first feels innocent, but the impact is devastating. As soon as you see the unread messages, you become anxious, overwhelmed and consumed by guilt at the thought of taking time for yourself.
The truth is that no one expects you to respond at that time of the morning. Could you remove the imposed barrier and false deadline so you can focus on yourself? How can you respond optimally when you are in an energy deficit? Do the right thing so you can respond from a place of calm confidence.
What's the cost of inaction?
Your focus on taking action may remove you from your warm bed and experience some discomfort in the short term, but what's the cost of inaction in the long term?
Never mind that it will cost you physically and emotionally, but how will it affect you and your loved ones?
Rather than focus on losing sleep or time spent on your activity, focus on what you will gain. Imagine yourself as the diffuser of your house. Like any diffuser, you can add lavender or vanilla to permeate a beautiful smell throughout the room and to those who come into contact with it.
Your actions determine the energy you place in your diffuser. Do you want to keep your promise so you can add gratitude, optimism and enthusiasm or break the agreement and permeate stress, overwhelm, resentment and anxiety?
Emotional contagion is real. Do the right thing now because it truly affects yourself and those around you.
Use the power of accountability
Make a chart on the wall where you have to place a tick or a cross measuring your success. If you start a winning streak, it's human nature to keep it up. And could you make it as visible to your family members as possible? We always do better when we know others are watching.
When you do five days in a row, celebrate your victory. Even checking off that one tick is worth celebrating; one simple micro-win leads to the next.
The ultimate solution
Show up to yourself. That's it.
Woody Allen said that 80% of success is just showing up.
When you arrive at the gym, you're 80% of the way to success because the hardest part is getting there. Once you're through the doors, the rest takes care of itself.
It's the same with anything in your life, show up to asking for the role, show up to the opportunity even if you're not convinced you're ready yet for it because the truth is, you'll only feel ready once you're in it.
When you're alarm goes off tomorrow, show up to yourself and keep the promise you make to yourself.
The discomfort of getting up is always worth more in the short term than the inner resentment of not doing it in the long term.
Here's to doing hard things.
Warm wishes,
Lori
Lori Milner is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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