by Lori Milner

We don't choose to be stressed or anxious. When life gets tough, we often fall back on habits that seem helpful but actually make us more tired and worried. The starting point is to create an awareness of the habits that have a misalignment between intention and impact.

There are things we do with the intention of saving time, being more efficient, and getting more done, but the impact creates the very situation we are trying to avoid - being anxious and overwhelmed. Here are some habits to place under a microscope to determine if their execution is serving you or sabotaging you.

You block your time but give it away.

The habit of time blocking is simply allocating time in the calendar for your various tasks. The power of time blocking is that by scheduling an hour to work on your document, you are also saying no to everyone else.

Where does the stress show up? You are brilliant at allocating blocks of time but inevitably give this time away to other people just because they asked. Would you give someone R100 000 if they asked? Definitely not! So why do you do the same thing with your other precious resources?

Rather than give the time away because it didn't feel like it was yours anyway, manage expectations. You can say you're not able to help at this time, but once you've finished your task, you are available to help. Even if your intention is to be helpful, your impact is that you have now taken away your valuable personal time because you figure you'll get it done tonight.

If this happens once in a while, it isn't a big deal, and sometimes, you need to drop your stuff to help the team, but this should be the exception. When it becomes the norm, and you're doing this with more than one person – taking on multiple tasks, you find yourself overwhelmed and stressed.

Keep the habit of time blocking, but to create less stress, honour the time you blocked for yourself and regard it with the same importance as anyone else on the calendar.

In other words, keep the promises you make to yourself.

You hoard your tasks.

When my clients first come for coaching, they share a common theme: they are overwhelmed, and some are on the verge of burnout. When I dig a little deeper, I find that the main cause of this overwhelm is taking on too much without delegation.

They suffer from an inner conflict – "If I delegate the task, I will have more space for my work, which truly matters, but what if it's not perfect? What if they don't do it as well as I would? What if I'm held accountable for non-delivery?"

Here are some ways to think about it differently. The strategy of hoarding your tasks is not sustainable. Although it feels like a good self-defence approach, it leaves you exhausted and not being able to show up as your best self.

Consider that delegation is not only about you; it's about the team. How can they grow and develop if you constantly want to protect them from possible mistakes? People need autonomy to thrive and challenge to develop.

Can you reframe your thinking? Yes, it will take more time today, but in three weeks, you will not know yourself.

When you can spend your time on the work that matters, you will start to energise yourself, and your headspace will become a calm and productive place rather than an overwhelmed and resentful one.

You operate from a to-do list.

The problem with a to-do list is that it has become a survival list and a guilt list as it gets longer as you move through the day.

To-do lists also lack clarity because the first thing on the list is not necessarily the most important task but the first thing you thought of.

To increase productivity and decrease anxiety, replace your to-do list with a success list. The difference is that the success list should have a maximum of three big tasks to complete that day because, in reality, you don't have time for more.

The main difference between the two in practice is that the to-do list often has lower-hanging fruit that feels easier to tick off. You can complete the whole list and feel productive, but the truth is you have been avoiding the tasks that truly matter, which generates anxiety in the background because you know they are still waiting to be completed.

The success list contains tasks that may generate discomfort through fears of not being perfect, being judged, or even making mistakes, so we tend to avoid them. The way to be more productive is to define what must be done, schedule these tasks on the calendar, and take action despite how you feel about them.

You don't necessarily need to complete the entire task in a day, but you do need to begin because the avoidance is what triggers your discomfort and anxiety.

It's progress that motivates you, not willpower.

You plan one day at a time.

Planning is the antidote to overwhelm.

Most people make the mistake of planning one day at a time, and they do it in the morning, not even the day before. When you only plan one day ahead, you tend to overschedule yourself because it feels like everything needs to happen in one day.

Instead, shift to planning your week before you are in it. When you plan in this way, you can see exactly what space is available to you and that you do, in fact, have more than enough time if you don't give your blocks of time away.

This is especially powerful if you are studying or project planning and need to work backwards from a set deadline. If you only plan your studies day to day, there is a fear you won't finish.

Instead, work backwards and insert blocks of time for revision, research, and preparation. Label these blocks of time accordingly.

Even if you want to plan out your admin tasks, don't write 'admin' in the block of time. Instead, be specific about exactly what you will work on so you don't waste time deciding what you should do in the allotted time slot.

When you overschedule your days because you fear you won't have enough time, you create more anxiety and stress. You need to plan time to think, strategise and focus without pressure.

The more spaciousness you can bring to your thinking and actions, the calmer, more effective, and happier you will feel.

You're a perfectionist.

Anne Wilson Schaef says that, "Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order."

You may have adopted the label of a perfectionist to produce high-quality work, but the reality is that it's a fancy form of procrastination.

Done is better than perfect. First, you need to complete the task and then figure out if it needs improvement. However, continuing to version seven or seventeen when version one was, in fact, adequate is not only wasting time but also creating more tension and anxiety and fueling the inner critic.

Rather than chase perfection, chase excellence. The one leaves you chasing the impossible, and the latter allows you to move on to the next task with the knowledge that any 'mistakes' are feedback. In the comforting words of Julia Cameron:

"The perfectionist is never satisfied. The perfectionist never says, 'This is pretty good. I think I'll just keep going.' To the perfectionist, there is always room for improvement. The perfectionist calls this humility. In reality, it is egotism. It is pride that makes us want to write a perfect script, paint a perfect painting, and perform a perfect audition monologue. Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough—that we should try again. No. We should not."

Final thoughts.

In times of stress and challenge, we tend to hold onto habits that may not serve us but provide comfort because it's what we know.

To reduce anxiety and become the architect of your days, consider letting go of these five habits:

Replace giving away your time with honouring your time.
Replace hoarding tasks with delegation.
Replace a to-do list with a Success List.
Replace daily planning with weekly planning.
Replace perfection with progress.

Here's to a more productive and happier you,

Warm wishes,

Lori

Lori Milner is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.