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3 Steps you can take to live by design, not default

October 15, 2022 Melanie Hawken

by Lori Milner

Think about a personal goal you would like to achieve – it could be getting fitter, eating healthier, reading, starting a course or a new hobby. The typical pattern is you begin on a Monday, you manage to keep it up for about two weeks and then fall back into old ways. You probably have attributed this pattern to a lack of willpower. The good news is that the solution to keep the promises you make to yourself has nothing to do with motivation.

Environment design is the secret to achieving your goals because it is the ultimate enabler. As Dr Marshall Goldsmith says: "If we don’t create and control our environment, our environment creates and control us”.

There are three kinds of environments you need to take charge of to make progress on your goals:

#1 Your physical environment.

Designing your physical environment involves setting up triggers to remind you of your goals. Let's say you want to be healthier and exercise more. Firstly, what do you need to remove from the current environment?

If you want to stop eating so many biscuits during the day, then remove them entirely from your house. Replace the bowl of biscuits in your kitchen with a bowl of fruit. Make sure you have a big bottle of water and healthy snacks on your desk, so you are not grinding through your lunch break and reaching for the first greasy snack in the late afternoon.

If you want to stop drinking wine during the workweek, put it in another fridge or a place in your house that you don't see until the weekend. Use the strategy of inconvenience to deter you from breaking out a bottle in those habitual moments.

If you want to manage the environment of distraction, close your Outlook, social media channels and remove anything that can fight for your attention when you're working. If you don't actively manage the environment of distraction, you become a self-interrupter allowing every ping, bing and alert to pull you away from the task in front of you.

Manage your WhatsApp by muting the chats that are not critical to your daily work. You need to decide when and how often you are prepared to be interrupted.

What do you need to add to your environment?

If you want to start walking, leave your exercise gear and shoes next to your bed. How about introducing 'exercise snacks' in your day and leaving a skipping rope next to your laptop? Or a yoga mat in the middle of the living room so you can fit in a few poses before your next meeting?

If you want to read more, can you leave a book on your bed or have a book with you next to your laptop? If a meeting cancels last minute, you have your book right there to remind you that you can fit in a good twenty minutes of reading time.

Without the physical trigger of the book, you will most likely check your inbox or your social media feeds. Consistency compounds, you will be amazed at how much progress you can make with fifteen minutes of focused attention.

Managing your environment is not just about the big goals but the simple ones like remembering to take your vitamins. If I don't have them displayed out, I don't remember to take them. I manage the environment by having them next to my toothbrush to ensure I don't forget about them.

Think about something you want to start or stop – how can you manage your physical environment to make it easier for you?

#2 Your digital environment.

According to research, on average, Americans check their phones 344 times per day. (That's once every 4 minutes!) How do you compare against this frightening statistic? To ensure you succeed in your goals, you need to manage your digital environment.

 Nir Eyal, the author of Indistractable, provides five simple steps to take control of your smartphone:

Remove: If you are addicted to online shopping or social media, it's time to manage the environment by deleting the app altogether. If you are trying to progress your health goals, perhaps delete UberEATS if you tend to order junk food out of habit?

In both examples, you remove any temptation that willpower is not strong enough to fight, and you reclaim your days!

Replace: Shift where and when you use potentially distracting apps, like social media and YouTube, to your desk instead of on your phone.

This hack is especially powerful if your default is to scroll the socials on your phone any chance you get. Imagine how much more fulfilled you will feel if you defaulted to reading a book or doing something for your self-care instead?

Rearrange: If you look down to check the time and you see new messages in your inbox or social feeds, it's human nature to want to check them immediately. Manage your phone's environment by moving any apps that may trigger mindless checking from your phone's home screen.

Reclaim: Change the notification settings for each app. Be very selective regarding which apps can send you to sound and sight cues. Remember, you have to decide when and how often you are prepared to be interrupted.

 Reduce: the number of times you check your phone by replacing any frequent behaviours you currently perform on your phone with another medium (e.g. carry a small notebook and pen to jot down short notes rather than opening an app). Get a wristwatch, so you don't have to look at your phone for the time.

#3 Your emotional environment.

Managing your emotional environment begins with taking charge of your thoughts, beliefs and the story you tell yourself. This process is easy to control because it's all about you; no one else is required; it's good old personal growth.

The hard part is managing your emotional environment when other people are involved. Let's leave the work environment out of this and only focus on your personal life. Here are some things to consider:

In the series Harry Potter, there are creatures called Dementors that literally pull the happiness out of you if it comes into contact with you. We all have a dementor in our life (sometimes more than one).

It's that person that when you finish a conversation, you feel drained because they are negative and always complaining, criticising and seeing the glass as half empty. You cannot necessarily cut this person out of your life, but you can manage the environment around how long and how often you engage with them.

Even if it's your mom or mother in law, you can cut the conversation down from thirty minutes to ten minutes. When they begin the rant of negativity, you can change the topic. It's important to remember that they will not change, nor can you change them, but you can protect your boundaries by limiting the time you engage with them and avoiding the topics that will trigger you.

If you start the week feeling depleted, is it because you spent the weekend running from one social engagement to the next? If you agreed to go out of guilt or fear, it should have probably been a polite no.

When you got to the arrangement, you spent the entire time feeling resentful that this was your downtime and listed at least ten other things you would prefer to be doing. The way to manage your emotional environment is don't put yourself in that situation in the first place.

Of course, you need to attend to specific commitments and responsibilities, but I am talking about the optional ones. If you can practice putting your recovery time first, you will feel better, more energized and ultimately more content.

Putting it all together.

Don't leave your goals up to motivation and willpower; start to live by design and not default.

How can you manage your physical, digital and emotional environment to set you up for success?

When you take control of your environment, you become the architect of your world rather than the victim of it.

Here's to design thinking,

Warm wishes,

Lori 


Lori Milner is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.

 

More articles by Lori

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The Productivity Trap: 5 Time Management Habits That Are Secretly Stressing You Out
February 8, 2025
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February 8, 2025

by Lori Milner

We don't choose to be stressed or anxious. When life gets tough, we often fall back on habits that seem helpful but actually make us more tired and worried. The starting point is to create an awareness of the habits that have a misalignment between intention and impact.

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February 8, 2025
Embrace Calm: 5 Anxiety-Fueling Habits to Let Go Of
November 16, 2024
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November 16, 2024

by Lori Milner

Have you ever made a judgement about someone and then only later found out they were actually a great person, and you had more in common than you think? What if it's the same with change? What if instead of making judgements and accusations about change, you got to know it better? What if you realised it actually brought you a gift, but you were so busy avoiding it that you didn't stop to notice or even say thank you? Now, you know that you can't literally bump into change at a party. But you know change is coming, and sometimes it's voluntary.

Read more →
November 16, 2024
Embracing the Unknown: 4 Wisdom-Packed Quotes for Navigating Change
November 10, 2024
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by Lori Milner

Have you ever made a judgement about someone and then only later found out they were actually a great person, and you had more in common than you think? What if it's the same with change? What if instead of making judgements and accusations about change, you got to know it better? What if you realised it actually brought you a gift, but you were so busy avoiding it that you didn't stop to notice or even say thank you? Now, you know that you can't literally bump into change at a party. But you know change is coming, and sometimes it's voluntary.

Read more →
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Stress management is choice management
November 3, 2024
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by Lori Milner

It’s not that one choice will define your whole day or suddenly generate anxiety and overwhelm. It’s that over time, a stacking of habitual choices starts to build up and inevitably leads to exhaustion, frustration, and even burnout. Mental Health Awareness Month reminds us to self-observe these seemingly innocent habits so we can begin to self-correct. Here are the five most common anxiety-fueling habits to let go of to create calmer days that you don’t want to escape from.

Read more →
November 3, 2024
The Real Deal: 11 Unfiltered Truths About Running Your Own Business
October 18, 2024
The Real Deal: 11 Unfiltered Truths About Running Your Own Business
October 18, 2024

by Lori Milner

What astounds me when working with female entrepreneurs is how each conversation shares so many similarities and consistent themes despite each person's unique journey. Rather than writing my usual blog format, I would like to share my most gifted advice. I have removed any personal details and names so confidentiality is not compromised. What remains is the raw truth of what we all feel, experience and face daily. My invitation is for you to find your truth and where you are in your entrepreneurial journey, but above all, I want you to know that you are not alone.

Read more →
October 18, 2024
How to Discover Your Formula for Happiness
September 7, 2024
How to Discover Your Formula for Happiness
September 7, 2024

by Lori Milner

Happiness is subjective because we all have different rules for what it will take to be happy. I am not here to give you a magic formula but rather to offer a set of questions to help you understand what it means for you.

Read more →
September 7, 2024
10 Questions to Harmonise Work, Life, and Time - Part 2
August 3, 2024
10 Questions to Harmonise Work, Life, and Time - Part 2
August 3, 2024

by Lori Milner

The real way to harmony is to interrupt the inner conflict between how you would like to spend your time and how you think you should be spending it. I am not here to provide a magic formula to create harmony with how you divide your time. However, I can gift you ten questions from Oliver Burkeman's book, Four Thousand Weeks, which provide some thought-provoking questions to help you determine what matters for you now. I say now because these choices will ultimately change based on life stage, circumstances and values, which are constantly evolving.

Read more →
August 3, 2024
10 Questions to Harmonise Work, Life, and Time - Part 1
July 28, 2024
10 Questions to Harmonise Work, Life, and Time - Part 1
July 28, 2024

by Lori Milner

Consider how you feel when you perceive that you have wasted your time versus used it efficiently; it's not really about the quantity of time available but the choices you make on how to invest it that create the illusion of harmony. Unfortunately, it's not that simple. Even when you enjoy what you're doing, you may feel guilty because you feel like you should be working on something else.

Read more →
July 28, 2024
How to Turn Anxiety into Insight
July 20, 2024
How to Turn Anxiety into Insight
July 20, 2024

by Lori Milner

Anxiety is an emotion, not a character flaw. When you find yourself anxious, it is due to a series of choices that result in a state of anxiety. If you can follow the breadcrumbs of how you created it, then you can begin to unravel it.

Read more →
July 20, 2024
Anger: How to Know it, Use It and Diffuse It
July 14, 2024
Anger: How to Know it, Use It and Diffuse It
July 14, 2024

by Lori Milner

Have you ever had an experience where you shot lights out? The presentation was flawless; you were at your most confident, and the answers flowed so naturally. Then…have you ever had an experience in which you are still remorseful about what you did, what you said, and how you reacted? We all have.

Read more →
July 14, 2024
6 Habits to Create a Resilient Mindset
June 30, 2024
6 Habits to Create a Resilient Mindset
June 30, 2024

by Lori Milner

Resilience is hard-wired into us; it comes standard. It's not an extra you have to pay more for. Even though it's part of you, it can only be activated by choice. Not all situations are created equally, so I categorise resilience into Big R and Small r resilience. Big R resilience are those events that truly challenge us and can result from tragedy, unexpected change or loss.Then there is small r resilience, the daily speed bumps like having a difficult conversation, being let down, or not getting a great performance review. No matter how small it feels, it is real for you and does result in disappointment. Not all situations require the same level of resilience, but the small ones are as important to navigate as the big ones.

Read more →
June 30, 2024
How To Create An Ideal Average Day
June 23, 2024
How To Create An Ideal Average Day
June 23, 2024

by Lori Milner

What will it take to create your ideal average day? Notice I didn’t say your ideal day because that probably involves being on a beach somewhere sipping cocktails. Those are the exceptions throughout the year, but what if you could get better at creating your ideal average day with work commitments, school runs and the usual in-betweens?

Read more →
June 23, 2024
In Guest Blog Tags Lori Milner, Self-development
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Matilde Mawelele Rungo, a Mozambican tech-preneur helping to drive digital transformation in the country
Matilde Mawelele Rungo, a Mozambican tech-preneur helping to drive digital transformation in the country

Startup Story

Matilde Mawelele Rungo is a digital transformation consultant, cybersecurity specialist, and founder of RealityTech Advisory in Mozambique, where she leads technology-driven projects for businesses and startups. She is also an evangelist and the creator of MTI – A Triad of Hope for Children, an initiative that integrates Evangelism, Technology, and Innovation to empower young people and communities. With a global vision, Matilde is committed to advancing individuals, organizations, and ecosystems through technology, faith, and meaningful social impact. The business was launched in 2024 and today has created jobs for 6 people.

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LIONESS BOOK REVIEWS

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Built on Purpose: Discover Your Deep Inner Why and Manifest the Business of Your Dreams by Betsy Fore
Built on Purpose: Discover Your Deep Inner Why and Manifest the Business of Your Dreams by Betsy Fore

Book Review

Successful entrepreneur Betsy Fore, in her new book Built on Purpose: Discover Your Deep Inner Why and Manifest the Business of Your Dreams, shows how, by practicing a manifesting mindset, you can discover your deepest purpose. She calls this an “inner why” and believes finding it can unlock your greatest potential as a creator, founder, and builder of great products.

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The Magnetic Female Entrepreneur: The Art of Empowered Presence, Rising to New Levels of Impact and Influence, and Financial Success on Your Own Terms  by Mary Grant
The Magnetic Female Entrepreneur: The Art of Empowered Presence, Rising to New Levels of Impact and Influence, and Financial Success on Your Own Terms by Mary Grant

Book Review

The Magnetic Female Entrepreneur by Mary Grant is a transformative guide for high-achieving women entrepreneurs, business owners, and coaches who are ready to amplify their influence, impact, and income. Written by Mary Grant, a seasoned entrepreneur and innovation expert with over 30 years in the fashion industry, this book unpacks the art of empowered presence, bold confidence, and defining success on your own terms. Through insights, strategies, and a fresh perspective on success, the author empowers women to harness their unique strengths, navigate challenges, and rise to their next level with clarity and unstoppable momentum.

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Women Entrepreneurs Rewired To Rise: Powerful Habits that Break Through Burnout, Silence Your Inner Critic, and Build a Thriving Business from the Inside Out  by Fiona Soutter
Women Entrepreneurs Rewired To Rise: Powerful Habits that Break Through Burnout, Silence Your Inner Critic, and Build a Thriving Business from the Inside Out by Fiona Soutter

Book Review

Women Entrepreneurs Rewired To Rise: Powerful Habits that Break Through Burnout, Silence Your Inner Critic, and Build a Thriving Business from the Inside Out by Fiona Soutter is not just another business book. Most focus on strategies and tactics. This one rewires the woman behind the business—so your growth is aligned, sustainable, and actually feels good.

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Dream Big and Win: Translating Passion into Purpose and Creating a Billion-Dollar Business by Liz Elting
Dream Big and Win: Translating Passion into Purpose and Creating a Billion-Dollar Business by Liz Elting

Book Review

In the book, Dream Big and Win: Translating Passion into Purpose and Creating a Billion-Dollar Business, author Liz Elting, one of the most celebrated and successful women in America, has created a guide for how to not only dream big, but also win―both in business and in life.

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After the Idea: What It Really Takes to Create and Scale a Startup by Julia Austin
After the Idea: What It Really Takes to Create and Scale a Startup by Julia Austin

Book Review

In her new book, After the Idea: What It Really Takes to Create and Scale a Startup, entrepreneurship expert Julia Austin shares battle-tested strategies to help founders and startup joiners build their venture from the ground up.

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