by Lori Milner

I am fascinated by what makes some people set goals, show up and achieve them while others set goals, think about them and then make excuses and often blame external factors about why they haven’t.

I conducted an interesting research project in 2019 where I interviewed gym trainers on this topic. You may think this is quite far away from the business world and may possibly associate trainers with aesthetics and body building only. But stop and think about the character traits they need in order to be successful:

They have to wake up early, some sessions start at 5am which means they need to maintain high levels of discipline
They have to energize and motivate their clients even when they don’t feel like it
Their job is far less about physical training but rather all about EQ and relationships.

But even more interesting to me was the relationship with a trainer is quite unique. You don’t have to impress them, you can be yourself, they don’t expect you to be perfect, and they are there purely for your best interest and success. But what trainers have privy to are the best excuses in the world. They have heard it all and their job is to figure out how to tap into your values, goals and insecurities in order to bring out the best in you.

Bearing all this in mind, I interviewed people who really live their brand and walk the talk. This particular trainer is Lance Jacobson, he has been in the fitness industry for over 30 years and has incredible knowledge not only on the industry but the psychology behind what makes people succeed. If you do tend to struggle with your personal goals, especially exercise and healthy eating, here are some of the amazing insights on how to help you beat the excuses and show up to yourself:

1. Solidify your decision

So you make the decision to get healthy – you sign up to the gym, maybe even book a trainer. This is a great start but the way to continue with the habit is to solidify your decision every day. It has to be a daily commitment because as Lance says ‘Your decision from last week or two weeks ago flutters away’. Your trainer is a guide and can take you so far but you need to commit to show up every day and eat the right food to ensure the exercise will yield the benefits and results you signed up to in the first place.

So what can you do to solidify the decision?

Think about how badly you want it. Why you want it and use that as motivation for when things get tough because at the end of the day, they will get tough. Perhaps you’re at a wedding or someone brings a cheesecake to work for their birthday.

When you persevere and you see the rewards, it’s easy to stay motivated but it’s in that in between phase of starting a goal and seeing results – I call it trusting the process. Turning down the volume of the negative self-talk of the inner critic who plays the game of comparing your current reality against the ‘should be’ version of reality. It goes like this ‘you should be further by now, you should see a difference’…and it wreaks havoc on your confidence.

Your why has to be big enough to remind you of your decision when its 6am and cold and all you want to do is hit snooze and stay in bed for another 20 minutes.

2. Move from a physical goal to an identity goal

This is so important. A lot of women use particular milestones as a motivation to get into better shape and look after themselves. For example – a wedding or a school reunion. But the problem is that you are working towards a date and often when the big day comes and goes, so does your habit. You figure, well I’ve done it so I can go back to normal, I’ve earned it.

But when you make it part of who you are, it becomes lifestyle. So the shift is as simple as ‘I am a healthy person, I value vitality and longevity, I value having more energy to play with my kids, I value being able to perform at my highest level’. When you shift to identity based goals, your choices become easier. Healthy people go for walks, healthy people get more sleep, and healthy people do some movement at some point in the day. Every time you do the action – go for the walk, pilates, yoga, opt for the grilled option – you are creating evidence for yourself. I call it a micro win.

If you show up to your session – amazing, that’s your micro win for the day. It is a step towards your goal. But then celebrate it. Give yourself a pat on the back and praise yourself. Literally, tell yourself ‘well done for showing up’. Even if you did something for 15 minutes. You need to establish a system and routine before you can maximise and build on it. 5 minutes of actual meditation is better than 25 minutes of thinking about doing the meditation!

3. Hit reset everyday

‘It’s literally hitting reset every day. It doesn’t matter what you did yesterday, it’s done. Every day you have to renew your commitment to your decision of who you want to become’.

The way to continue the momentum is to remember that your success is created one micro decision at a time. The decision to get up on time, the decision to go for the walk, the decision to go for the healthy breakfast instead of coffee and a croissant on the road. Remind yourself, your success is build one choice at a time so in a tough situation, choose the healthier choice for a tough situation. Just because you got it right yesterday, it doesn’t exempt you from today. Hit reset!

4. Make it familiar – manage your self-talk

Marisa Peer is a psychologist and author who speaks about the rules of the mind. She says your mind likes what is familiar and dislikes what is not familiar. This is the reason why most people who win the lottery default back to their original financial state within a few years. This concept of making things familiar is a powerful tool when trying to establish a healthy habit. For example, during the December holidays, I got used to sleeping later than my normal 4:30 wake up time. When I got back in January and had to resume back to the time, I simply told myself ‘I am making waking up early again familiar’. Instead of ‘Oh, this is terrible, what an awful time to wake up’. Let’s be honest, it’s not easy but it makes a huge difference to my state and mood when I phrase it more positively. Also making something familiar means it will become my normal and you know what – the body adapts pretty quickly.

Equally, when you start your new routine, it is going to be unfamiliar. Muscles you never knew you had will make themselves known. In the beginning, it will take some getting used to but make the self-talk about creating the familiar. The worst thing you can do is make the self-talk about self-pity and being a victim. ‘I can’t believe I’m depriving myself of my favourite wine Vs I am making drinking water familiar’. It is these subtle differences in your internal dialogue which will make the process enjoyable and rewarding rather than a perceived punishment.

LORI MILNER is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.