by Lori Milner
The most common challenge among leaders is balancing coaching and mentoring their teams with the demands of everyday work. What if you changed your mindset from needing dedicated time to coaching individuals to integrating it into everyday conversations? Can you adopt a coach-like mindset by helping individuals see a solution they couldn't see on their own? The goal is to guide people to think differently and, more importantly, think further ahead than one hour, one day, and one week.
You don't have to be a ''coach'' but be willing to adopt a coach-like mindset. Can you shift into a thinking partner rather than seeing yourself as the person who hands out solutions? How do you achieve this? With a better set of questions.
Move from telling to guiding.
Questions enable you to extract the genius from each person and their unique way of approaching a situation. A single question can move someone from always needing someone telling them what to do to going within and using their resources. They probably already know the answer but need the certainty that they are on the right track.
I am a collector of precious gems, not the sparkly stones but questions. As Tim Ferriss says, the only thing that stands between you and what you want is a better set of questions.
These questions are not all mine; they are from amazing resources like Co-Active Coaching, Coaching for Organisations, Rich Litvin, Michael Bungay Stanier and more. Here we go…
Questions to provide autonomy:
What's the real challenge here for you?
If you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to? What's another option besides the two in front of you?
What have you not explored yet?
What does success look like?
What obstacles do you expect to face?
How will you approach them?
What about that is important to you?
What will you commit to?
I've got some thoughts, but before I share my ideas... what are your first thoughts?
If we could focus on only one of these, which would have the most impact?
Which one, if we solved it, might make some of these other challenges go away?
If we could wipe the slate clean, what would you do?
Questions to provide clarity:
What's the most pressing issue for you right now?
What specifically do you need to get clear about?
We have about 15 minutes to talk right now. What do you need?
How can this conversation be most useful to you right now?
What part of this decision do you need help with?
Questions to encourage action:
How will you know that you are on track? What evidence will let you know you are being successful?
What might throw you off track? How will you know you are being derailed?
What can you set up to prevent this?
Who needs to be included in this decision so you can move forward smoothly?
What will you do first? Next?
What options are you considering?
How to build and maintain trust with the team.
Having this toolkit of questions is all well, but your team needs to feel comfortable being honest with you.
Daniel Coyle, author of The Culture Code, shares his wisdom on creating trust within teams by creating moments of vulnerability. The myth is that we need trust first, but Coyle shows us that moments of real vulnerability create trust.
Here are some things you can do to stay connected to the team and have meaningful interactions:
Send an email to your team containing these three questions:
What is one thing I currently do that you'd like me to continue to do?
What is one thing I don't do frequently enough that you think I should do more often?
What can I do to make you more effective?
You also don't need to wait for performance review meetings to have meaningful discussions with the team; schedule thirty or even twenty-minute sessions and spend the time asking these thoughtful questions from Daniel's book, The Culture Code:
What do you see me doing that's helping me best contribute to the team?
What's one thing I need to know about you that will improve our relationship?
What's one gift, skill, or talent you have that I've overlooked, undervalued, or underutilised?
What motivates you, and how can we bring more of that to your work?
If you could wave a magic wand and change one thing about the way we work, what would it be?
What do you think I need to know that I don't?
Where are you struggling?
What are you proud of?
What are we doing that was once useful but is now in the way?
What is adding needless friction?
What is scattering your attention?
Final thoughts.
You don't need to memorise these questions or have a cheat sheet on your phone. The goal is to shift your mindset about how growth can happen in everyday mundane discussions; it doesn't always need to be dedicated time.
This dedicated time is equally important and something the team will appreciate, but when life gets chaotic, questions are a powerful tool to help people become better individuals and professionals in the long term.
It is about building people one conversation at a time.
Here's to your inner Yoda,
Warm wishes,
Lori
Lori Milner is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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