by Lori Milner
Some of us need accountability partners, like hiring a personal trainer to get us to the gym or joining a group so we have other people to motivate us. The problem with this approach is that you always rely on others to keep your promises to yourself. What happens if they don't show up? Will you keep the commitment or be silently grateful you got out of the run or the gym session?
If you can imagine a new kind of accountability - to your future self, you will begin to make very different decisions that don't rely on external factors.
Your future self is the person you aspire to become, and the best part is that you get to create your future self. Consider their energy level, enthusiasm, health, relationships, work, fulfilment, and contribution in a few years or even three months.
Through the lens of your future self, you can eradicate the habits of instant gratification, like hitting the snooze button or procrastinating.
I am not the first person to write about your future self. One of my favourite authors on this topic is Dr Benjamin Hardy. Here are some of his nuggets to get you thinking differently about your future self so you can create a more empowering present and not live for 'someday'.
Think and act from your goal rather than toward your goal.
Suppose your future self has reached your dream role, which requires much public speaking. The you of today has told yourself a story: you are an introvert and are bad at public speaking.
What steps must you take today to set yourself up for success? Can you volunteer for more speaking opportunities or sign up for a presentation skills course?
If your goal is to have your side hustle up and running, what must you do today to make it a reality? Do you need to refine your craft or allow yourself time to work on it without guilt?
If you can imagine yourself in the goal – you've done it – what made that happen? What did you need to stop doing to achieve it?
Connection to your Future Self creates purpose and meaning in the present.
When someone feels 'lost or stuck or unmotivated,' it's because they have lost a compelling future vision. They feel like their situation is permanent and powerless to change it – this is known as learned helplessness.
When you design your future self, you create a portfolio of purpose for the present. What skills would you love to build? What kind of people would you love to spend your time with? How do you want to contribute at work?
When you know what you are working towards, it provides clarity, and clarity generates energy.
It drives your actions and especially what to say no to. It prevents mindless distraction because you haven't decided what matters most. As Lewis Caroll said in Alice in Wonderland:
"Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go."
Your future self is the equivalent of setting your destination in Waze. You can only start the journey if you know where you want to go. You can always reroute or change your mind as you begin the journey, but not knowing which direction to head in will leave you paralysed with fear or apathy.
Everything you do can be categorised as a cost to or an investment in your Future Self.
If your future self aspires to have high energy levels and exercise regularly, you are costing your future self every time you choose to hit snooze or go for the greasy snack.
How differently will you begin to make decisions when you know your future self is at the receiving end of your present-moment decisions?
Consider the relationships you are investing in or ignoring. How will this cost your future self?
What do you need to focus on, and what do you need to stop doing? How can you make better investments in the present to set yourself up for success?
Failing as your Future Self is better than succeeding as your current self.
Many people share that they want their future self to be writers, or speakers or want to move roles from sales to marketing. They are held back by fear of failing, not being good enough or being judged.
If they are committed to their fear, their current self will never grow.
If you are committed to your future self, you will leap and publish a post, volunteer to speak to the team or apply for the role.
Can you be comfortable with discomfort to set your future self up for success? Every great article or book begins with a terrible first draft, but after your tenth article, you are already on your way to becoming a better writer.
Comfort is the enemy of growth; are you willing to go through the discomfort of doing things differently or even failing to become your future self?
Where to from here?
Your future self is your lighthouse; it guides how you spend your time and helps you create clarity.
To help you stay focused on the path to your future self, I encourage you to journal on these questions:
· What are you still saying "yes" to that your desired Future Self would say "no" to?
· How are your current behaviours impacting your Future Self?
· How would your future self tell you to live?
· How differently would you act with your Future Self in mind?
· If your future best self showed up on your doorstep today and looked at your current circumstances, what courageous action would that future self advise you to take immediately to change your life?
When designing your future self, be cognisant that it isn't just about the title, role or material possessions you want to create. More important is the headspace and heart space – how do you want to feel as you navigate the day?
What emotions do you want to experience more of, and what drainers do you want to eliminate from your life?
You don't need to know how to arrive at your future self; it's not a set road map. It's taking ownership of your choices in the present to create a compelling future.
If you still need to figure out where to start, don't ask yourself what do I want to do today, but rather, what would future me want me to do today.
Here's to creating a better present.
Warm wishes,
Lori
Lori Milner is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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