by Lori Milner
January has the special aroma of a fresh start combined with energy, enthusiasm, and new dreams. This feeling typically lasts until the end of March, and then your energy begins to dip, and before you know it, you're counting down to Easter because you need a serious break. It's not like you waste your energy intentionally or even consciously; it's a slow drip like a nail in a tyre; it leaks air so slowly that you don't notice until it is completely flat or inches from it.
Here are some questions you can reflect on to make sure you plug your energy leaks and keep your tank full:
What are you avoiding?
Energy leaks are not just about lack of sleep or poor nutrition but the nagging thoughts you continually play on repeat. You know exactly what you should be doing but have delayed, avoided, or procrastinated up to this point. Now is the time to do something about it; otherwise, it will continue to drain you and leave you in a constant brain fog and distracted.
Are you avoiding making a doctor's appointment, starting that book or course, or fill in the blank? It's all relative, and even if seemingly small, it's still taking up headspace and preventing you from putting all your resources into more positive things. Not starting triggers the energy leak – the solution is thinking less about doing the task and taking action.
What's the way forward? Write down the next step and schedule it into your calendar to take action today. As author Brendan Burchard says:
"Doubt increases with inaction.
Clarity reveals itself in momentum.
Growth comes from progress.
For all these reasons, BEGIN."
What distracts you?
If you're honest with yourself, what distracts you from the most important task now? If you're meant to be working on a strategy document or presentation but find yourself surfing the web, 'doing research' or cleaning your kitchen, it's time to look a little closer. We get distracted because it's a convenient way to get instant gratification and avoid difficult feelings like the fear of rejection, failing, or not being perfect.
Plug this leak with self-awareness by planning on what could distract you, and then manage the environment. Delete any distracting apps or silence the notifications on your phone and computer. Create a distraction list and start to catch yourself in the act – when you lose presence and end up surfing the web, notice you are distracting yourself and use rewards to help you stay focused. For example, when I finish the first slide, then I will go and make my coffee.
What is your primary question?
One of my clients used to battle with Sunday night anxiety and dreaded Mondays. When I asked what his primary question is – the thought that precedes the anxiety – he discovered the source of his pain. His primary question was, 'What if I don't get everything done and let my team down?'. No wonder he would dread his week before it began; he was hypnotising himself with the fear of disappointing others and himself.
What is your primary question, and how does it serve you? If it sounds similar to my client, consider some new options…
· How can I be a contribution this week?
· How can I be even more grateful today?
· How can I be more focused and present in this next meeting or conversation?
· What is this situation here to teach me, or how can I grow from this?
Your primary question is designed to shift your focus to something positive and inspiring. We are hard-wired for protection, so our mind naturally gravitates to possible dangers. You need a question that will anchor your thinking and help you focus on the possibilities, not what is missing or what you don't want.
What conversation are you ignoring?
Although this is similar to question one, it has a slightly different focus. When you are avoiding a task, often there is a satiation point where you will get to it eventually, be it a deadline pushing you or your team relying on you. When it comes to ignoring a conversation, generally, there isn't a deadline, so the longer you put it off, the harder it is to have.
How often have you avoided a conversation because a significant gap of time has passed, and now it feels too late to re-engage on it? This is where the leak starts to drain your internal battery; when you obsess over the fact that you haven't had it, it takes up unnecessary bandwidth. It's like leaving all your apps open in the background; even though you aren't on them, they drain your battery. It's the same with avoiding this conversation. Consider that the other person probably feels the way you do. Often, ego holds us back because we don't want to be the one to 'give in' or appear weak.
To move forward and plug the leak, ask yourself this important question: Do I want to be right, or do I want peace? Your ego wants to be right, but your energy will replenish you if you opt for peace. I didn't say it would be easy, but you'll never regret having it. In the words of author Byron Katie: "If someone wants to be right, why wouldn't you let them?'
Who are you judging?
Why does judgment have to do with energy leaks? Everything! Firstly, if you're judging others, you're judging yourself. The more conditional you are with yourself, the more you will be with others. This is why self-compassion is so important. The more you can accept yourself unconditionally, the more you can accept others unconditionally.
Remember, you cannot influence anyone if you are judging them. When I get triggered by someone, I get curious. Rather than judge them, I ask myself what I can learn from them. What gift do they have to teach me?
It may not be positive but rather a demonstration of how not to be, or perhaps I recognise a deep sense of insecurity and encourage a deeper sense of compassion for them. I am not patronising or placing myself above anyone; I am conscious of not placing judgment but rather using it as an opportunity for growth.
If you judge someone, look for something positive about them or even something you have in common, like being a parent. It's an exercise called 'just like me'. It's a way to focus on similarities and what you share in common to allow for neutrality towards them rather than resentment or judgment.
How do you plug the leaks when you need it most?
When it comes to energy management, you want to approach it from two angles. One way is to plug the existing leaks by avoiding distraction, creating a more empowering primary question, tackling difficult conversations, and avoiding judgment.
The other way is to proactively find ways to build your energy rather than plug a leak. You want to create reserve tanks, so you won't be depleted when those leaks appear. Here are two questions to build up your reserves:
Where are you growing?
Growth is a fundamental human need; are you better than you were a year ago or five years ago? What are you doing to inspire yourself and build your skillset? Growth isn't only about work skills but creating vehicles to facilitate growth. Some suggestions include:
Exercise/ sport – if you persevere, growth happens when you can do more than when you started or become stronger and have more endurance.
Meditation – can you focus for longer and feel the effects of your practice? You can insert a mental pause button to respond rather than your usual default reaction.
Audiobooks/podcasts – growth doesn't need to be a huge promotion, but you learn through audiobooks and podcasts every time you drive to work or go for a walk.
Hobbies – growth is measuring backwards; consider when you first started your hobby compared to where you are now. Or, if you want to start writing, your tenth post will be miles ahead of your first few attempts.
Emotional intelligence- Consider your growth in dealing with difficult people; can you navigate difficult conversations better than your younger self?
Saying no – what do you say no to that your younger self used to say yes to?
Whatever the vehicle for you, how can you make it easy to feel like you are growing? Acknowledging your smaller wins is the best way to fill this need and your energy tank.
What are you grateful for?
Gratitude is your 'break in case of emergency' question to shift your state in minutes. The power of gratitude shifts your focus from what you lack to what you have. It gives you an instant inventory of the resources available when you thought you were starting from zero.
Gratitude boosts your energy because there is a mind-body connection. When you focus on what is missing, you create emotions like despair, sadness or anger.
Focusing on what you have creates emotions like contentment, courage, joy and acceptance. You will always make better decisions and face situations more powerfully from a higher-level emotional state.
Final thoughts.
Everything comes down to energy management.
To make progress on your new goals, motivation will only take you so far. Energy is what will push you the rest of the way, especially on the days you don't feel like it.
Plug any existing leaks and start to build your reserves with the following questions:
What are you avoiding?
What distracts you?
What is your primary question?
What conversation are you ignoring?
Who are you judging?
Where are you growing?
What are you grateful for?
Life will still happen, and challenges will show up, but how much better are you prepared to navigate them with an energy tank that is full or, at the least, have reserves you can tap into when you need it most?
Here's to starting the year strong.
Warm wishes,
Lori
Lori Milner is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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