by Lori Milner
Most high performers will only allow themselves to acknowledge the big wins – when they get ‘there'. Some people fear complacency or mediocrity; others place self-worth on achievement and, therefore, will only recognise the 'significant' wins. Many people attribute success to others and won't acknowledge their success, so they sweep the achievement under the rug and quickly move on to the next big thing. If you resonate with any of these points and can only allow in the big achievements, here are some reasons why you should reconsider:
You'll always feel like an imposter
Imposter syndrome often shows up when you advance in your career because it's attached to the belief that 'I don't deserve to be here, and everyone will figure out I don't know what I'm doing’. Acknowledging your wins on the way means that with every mini success, you are internalising your identity. It is becoming part of who you are. Praising your wins is building up the evidence that you are the kind of person who is successful and keeps moving ahead. If you allow yourself to take in your successes along the way, when you finally get 'there', it's deserved, earned and a natural progression into who you are.
You inhibit team morale
It is equally important to celebrate the progress and small wins of the team, so they feel recognised for their efforts. Waiting for the outcome may make people feel that their efforts are invisible and not appreciated. Sending a simple WhatsApp or chatting with them in the office, letting them know how much you appreciate them, and acknowledging their efforts will go a long way to maintaining motivation during the tough times. You can even have a ritual to celebrate the team's wins. In my previous career in advertising, the company used to beat on an enormous drum, and that meant the whole company had to come to reception because it meant good news. What ritual can you introduce to celebrate the victories, even the seemingly minor ones? Seeing the difference you made to someone because you took the time to acknowledge them is a huge win.
Progress is what motivates us
If you want to lose weight or get fitter, you can't expect yourself to step onto a Paddle court for the first time and play a perfect game. We must aim for progress, not perfection, to stay on track.Consider when you can do something better than before, not feel so tired or even begin to say no to the things you would previously have said yes to.That's progress. Consider when you need to work on a big presentation or document; rather than get upset because you never finished it in the allocated time, celebrate whatever progress you made, even if it's one slide. That's your micro win. Celebrating the win creates momentum because that's your starting point for the next block of time. Focusing only on what hasn't been completed will make you despondent and self-critical. As author, Benjamin Hardy says in his book The Gap and The Gain:
"You have an ideal in your mind, and you're measuring yourself against your ideal rather than against the actual progress you've made. This is why you're unhappy with what you've done, and it's probably why you're unhappy with everything in your life." ― Dan Sullivan, The Gap and The Gain.
Focus on the process, not the outcome
In 2018, I had the privilege of delivering a TEDx talk. Initially, I focused on the outcome, getting onto the stage and delivering the talk. I was getting frustrated with the process of writing the script because it was interfering with my goal of 'getting there’. To cut a long story short, it took over 20 drafts before I could start the stage prep. In hindsight, I am so grateful for the experience because my coach pushed me beyond my comfort zone and to dig deeper than I would have. I learnt more in those eight weeks about my craft than I would have had I gone from draft 1 to the stage. That process and acknowledging the daily wins meant I reached my goal of being a better person and a better speaker, which I will always take far beyond the experience. If you are tasked with changing processes or turning a team around, acknowledge that it will never go according to your ideal timing plan. Focus on the process's daily micro wins and micro failures because there are equal opportunities for growth in both.
Slow down to enjoy the journey
Acknowledging wins is also a form of pausing and savouring what you have created; it is striving with contentment to appreciate where you are while still being ambitious for future goals. Imagine you are on holiday and you want to go for a walk. Do you head straight for the endpoint as quickly as possible to get it over with, or do you go at a steady pace and allow yourself to pause and enjoy nature? The endpoint is the same, and the truth is that no one is timing you to see how long it takes you to get there. One option gets you there quickly, but you're exhausted and too tired to care about your surroundings. The other option allows you to arrive full of energy and vitality and in a peaceful headspace so you can continue if you decide to. Enjoy what you have created or are creating; enjoy the people, the lessons and the work. Yes, you want to keep striving but consider if there is a kinder and gentler way that still enables you to fulfil your goals.
Let's put it into practice
I challenge you to take some time and give yourself the credit of your previous wins:
What are my wins from the last 90 days?
What would my 20-year-old self say about my achievements?
What did I believe three months ago that I no longer believe today?
What do I say no to that I used to say yes to?
Which things felt essential to me ten years ago that no longer matter to me now?
Celebrating wins is not only about work goals, but how you have evolved, and your choices.
Learn to receive praise
When you begin to acknowledge your wins, you develop an even more powerful habit – being kind to yourself and accepting self-praise. If someone compliments you, do you immediately deflect it or take it in and say thank you? Begin to receive praise from yourself so you can internalise it from others. Celebrating your wins could be anything from smiling to complimenting yourself on a job well done. It may feel silly initially, but this is the foundation of long-lasting habits. Even if the habit is ingrained, like a morning exercise session or meditation, compliment yourself afterwards because this is how you reinforce that identity.
Final thoughts
Micro wins are the Lego bricks of your goals. If you want to run a marathon, your micro win is the first ten-minute walk around the block. It could be reading one page or taking one mindful breath, but they are the birthplace of progress. Micro wins are the antidote to inaction because they enable the hardest part – starting. The trick is to celebrate the micro-win and internalise the win as evidence of who you are becoming. If you want to be healthier, choosing water over cool drinks is evidence that you are healthy. You can apply the principle of micro wins to your career, health, relationships, or any area of your life.
If this has not been your way up to now, begin to acknowledge your wins so you never have to feel like an imposter again, and the ultimate gift is that you will begin to accept yourself and be kinder to yourself when you do reach 'there' whatever that may be for you.
Warm wishes,
Lori
Lori Milner is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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