by Lori Milner
Thinking is choice architecture. Laying a foundation of negative and fearful thoughts builds your next levels of emotions, beliefs and actions. Author and Professor John Kabat-Zinn describes thoughts as soap bubbles of the mind. You can choose to attach yourself to the thoughts or see through them and pop them.
Why does it matter whether you believe a thought or let it go? We have habitual patterns of thinking that lead to habitual behaviours and emotions. Have you ever started the day on a high filled with gratitude and contentment, and somehow, you're feeling frustrated and resentful by lunchtime? Why?
You feel what you think about but, more importantly, whether or not you believe the thoughts. Below is Dr David Hawkin's Scale of Consciousness. I like the term from Coach Jason Goldberg, The Ladder of Leadership.
The Ladder of Leadership
You bounce up and down the ladder all day based on whether or not you believe your thoughts.
Let's say your boss calls you into a meeting, and you think you'll get reprimanded; you will fall to the bottom of the ladder into fear. If you believe you must have been recognised for your great work, you're sitting in courage and enthusiasm.
There's nothing wrong with sitting in fear or anger if you need to, but you get to choose how long you want to stay there before you move back up the ladder. Some people choose to stay angry for days or weeks, but how can you make good decisions or see the possibilities when stuck at the bottom of the ladder?
Self-awareness is the ultimate guard against your mind
Byron Katie teaches that all lower-level states are caused by uninvestigated thinking. Stop and question the thought using her Enquiry process when you find yourself triggered. It is comprised of four questions:
· Is this thought true?
· Do I absolutely know what it's true?
· How do I feel when I believe the thought?
· Who would I be without the thought?
Your thoughts are not real, they are a mirage, and you can decide whether to believe them or put them through investigation first.
It's not false thinking or tricking yourself – once you do the enquiry process, you can never buy into the fearful thought again. Wayne Dyer reminds us of this so beautifully:
' Thoughts that pay homage to frustration will attract frustration. When you say or think anything resembling, There's nothing I can do; my life has spun out of control, and I'm trapped, that's what you'll attract. Every thought of frustration is like purchasing a ticket for more frustration.'
Are your thoughts yours or inherited?
In a recent leadership program I facilitated, I asked participants to share a belief holding them back. I was astounded that the same belief kept coming up, 'I am never allowed to take a sick day'. Another variation was 'I am only allowed to take a sick day if I'm dead'.
What's interesting is that these beliefs were inherited from parents and grandparents.
If you believe the thought that you're never allowed to take a sick day even if you are beyond ill, it creates feelings of being trapped, claustrophobic and fearful. When you drop that thought and no longer feel the need to keep it, you are instantly free, more relaxed and kinder to yourself.
Some other common thoughts that keep people at the bottom of the ladder are:
· I can only take a rest if I have worked a certain number of hours
· My self-worth is linked to my work achievements only
· The only way to be successful is by grinding long hours
· Stillness equals stagnation; I don't have time for a break
· If I'm not busy, I'm not adding value
If any of these resonate with you, know you're not alone. Any time you have a fearful thought put it through enquiry, and you'll realise there is no reason to keep it as it only traps you in fear.
Instead, choose a more empowering thought or use gratitude to catapult you up the ladder. Gratitude works by moving your focus from you lack to what you have.
Final thoughts
You are what you think about, so choose empowering thoughts that bring you back to your best self.
In the words of author Wayne Dyer:
"There's no such thing as stress; there are only people thinking stressful thoughts. It's really as simple as that. When you change the way you process the world, the world you're processing changes".
Here's to being the architect of your thoughts,
Warm wishes
Lori
Lori Milner is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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