by Lori Milner
Most people's first thought on waking in the morning is the fear of not having enough time and how they will get it all done and find the balance. Naturally, finance is another area where scarcity thinking comes into play. Through coaching hundreds of people, I've discovered the fear of running out of energy. Although this fear is common, how it's translated into reality differs from person to person because what may drain one person energises another.
You may not consciously realise you fear running out of energy, but you avoid certain situations without questioning why. Here are some of the more common 'energy fears' and what you can do to shift your mindset:
Connecting with others in groups
I had a client who dreaded team meetings and intentionally stayed quiet to preserve his energy. His logic was that if he engaged in conversation and someone disagreed with him, it would cost him more to have to defend himself, so instead stayed quiet.
He created the very thing he was trying to avoid because he did not feel heard by staying silent and becoming resentful. Nothing is more mentally and emotionally draining than not being your true self.
If this is you, consider the alternative of speaking up and sharing your views in group meetings. Remind yourself of the energy you will save and even create by being authentic and having a voice.
Physical activity
There are two kinds of people; those who love exercise and those who have yet to find the right exercise. Once you figure out what you enjoy, you're hooked. Many people avoid exercise or physical activity for fear of not having enough energy for the rest of the day or believing they have 'spent' their energy quota for the day and don't have enough left.
If you're an exercise convert, you know that emotion is created by motion. When you move your body, you change your state and create more energy.
Consider what you associate with exercising that causes you to avoid it. One client associated it with pain and immediately thought of running she used to do and now despises. One day on holiday, she discovered the simple joy of walking in nature, which is a weekly practice now.
If you're convinced you don't have enough energy to spare, think small. Perhaps you're imagining you need to spend an hour; consider if you only had to dedicate fifteen minutes, and it could be as simple as you want. Walking your dog, yoga, pilates, and martial arts are all wonderful options.
I have seen people who never did a day of exercise get bitten by the Padel Ball bug and now play a few times a week. Find the activity you love and discover an energy reservoir you can tap into on demand.
Exercise is not only about the physical side of wellness but mental. It is the place to release tension, stress, and anxiety and give you a space to think through challenges or let your mind wander. It is a vehicle to generate energy, not deplete it.
Sleep anxiety
The fear of not getting enough sleep can create a huge mental drain, create more anxiety, and contribute to an interrupted sleep pattern.
The bigger fear is that if I don't get to bed on time, I'll get less sleep and be unable to perform tomorrow. This is especially true if you intentionally sleep early to wake up early for self-care.
Although you intend to create more space for yourself, the impact can be that you become too controlling and rigid. I know this because I speak from my own experience of being incredibly militant around my bedtime and my kids.
I've learnt that when I was too controlling, I would drain myself in fear of not getting the 'perfect' night's sleep and land up taking longer to fall asleep or have disrupted sleep. I created the very situation I was trying to avoid: being tired the next day.
Exposure is the antidote to anxiety; I've learned I get the same result, whether uptight and controlling or more relaxed and at ease. The less I try to pressure myself and my kids to sleep on time, the smoother the evening becomes. Anxiety is contagious, and it affects everyone around you.
I've also had days where I had very little sleep and coped amazingly the next day with more energy than I thought I would have. Only by experiencing this perceived energy loss would I be OK when things don't always go according to plan because I've shown myself the fear was imagined.
Do you avoid social gatherings in the week for fear of getting to bed too late? The immediate reaction is to preserve your energy, but remember that spending time with people you care about and making room for new experiences is the energy enhancer you need.
The best thing you can do is have an earlier night to wake up early and create pockets of time for yourself – however, don't let yourself tighten and become so rigid that you miss out on other ways to provide energy.
Knowledge anxiety
A common energy drainer is the fear of acquiring new knowledge for fear of having to lose something else. The truth is that we have a supercomputer in our minds with unlimited storage.
Although the fear of learning something new may be draining, the lack of new knowledge is the true cause of feeling unmotivated because growth is a basic human need.
If you resonate with this, consider learning a new hobby or creative pursuit to show yourself you can make space for novelty without sacrificing anything.
When you feel comfortable in a non-work-related area, consider what new skills or areas of development you can pursue, even if it's not linked directly to your work.
Final thoughts
Our experience of the world comes down to whether we engage in a scarcity or abundance mindset, whether with time, money or energy. Can you shift your thinking to an abundance mindset and focus on what you will gain rather than fear what you will lose?
· Share your opinion and find your voice
· Move your body
· Soften your need to control your evening routine
· Value connection and new experiences
· Find joy in being a lifelong learner.
Perhaps you have other areas where you fear losing energy, and whatever it may be, remember that exposure is the antidote to anxiety. Show yourself through new actions that energy is not finite; the more joyful and present you can be, the more energy you will have for yourself and those around you.
Here's to abundance thinking,
Warm wishes,
Lori
Lori Milner is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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