by Lori Milner

Overwhelm is not something new. You experienced it before all of this started – think back to many conversations about trying to find ‘work/life balance’ and how it seemed impossible. As you know, my view on balance is that it is a myth, it doesn’t exist especially in this context being in one location. But having said that, the overwhelm you are experiencing is justified and a very real emotion. However, if this is not consciously acknowledged and managed, it will start to rule you. The problem with not addressing the anxiety and overwhelm is that your body starts to produce excess amounts of cortisol and adrenaline which has all sorts on implications on your immune system. I want to share with you some ideas on how you can start to manage overwhelm during this time:

Do a ‘mind dump’

Take a piece of paper and write down everything that is stressing you out right now. Just list it one after the other – it can be big stuff like finances, a proposal due for a client, your kid’s homework assignment or even those small seemingly insignificant thing like ‘what if I run out of my favourite food or my kids run out of stuff to do? – You fill in the blank. It seems small in this crisis but it is very real for you and it truly bothers you. So write it down! The reason writing these things down is so powerful is because once the thoughts are on paper – once you have given them a place to exist, they no longer need to circulate in your mind like a loop on repeat all day. Then – write down next to each item what the next step would be. If you are worried about a relative, write down – call her to check in. If there is an item that you have no control over now because of the circumstances then write down something like – can’t control it now or follow up next month. You need to acknowledge the thought but also be realistic if you can actually do anything about it now. It gives you permission to let it go until you have more visibility on the situation. Once this is done, prioritise what are the top 3 items and then schedule them into your calendar. Overwhelm prevents you from thinking clearly and eventually leads to procrastination because you just have no idea where to start and so you most likely start to scroll through your news and social feeds and end up watching cat videos. This process gives you direction, a plan – a way to create progress. Once you tick off your top 3 items, you have achieved your micro wins of the day and then it’s time to celebrate and acknowledge your progress. This boosts your confidence and energises you to continue with the momentum. Please don’t let this list become a form of a ‘to – do’ list that stresses you. That’s not the intention. It is meant to visually show you that are more than capable of tackling all the things that are worrying you and also demonstrates that some things are just not that relevant now. My benchmark question for prioritising the 3 big items is – ‘If I don’t get these 3 things done today, I know won’t sleep tonight’.

Create a To-Don’t Do list

Now time for some fun. Create a page with the heading – ‘To Don’t Do List’ and now you can schedule in the things on your list that are just irrelevant now. Give yourself permission that you really do not need this clogging up your mind right now. And then add a ‘Found Time’ list. When you know what you need to do and those magic opportunities like a conference call is cancelled – you now have a whole hour to yourself to focus on what matters. Go to your list and do one of those things! You are allowed to do nice things for yourself like research new recipes for the family, read a book, watch an interesting TED talk, watch a series or go and spend time with your family.

Use a question to change focus

Tony Robbins suggests that when you start to feel lost or down – immediately shift this train of thought with a better question. Instead of ‘How come this always happens to me?’ replace it with ‘What is this here to teach me or what can I learn from this?’ Or remove the focus off yourself completely and ask ‘How can I be a better parent today, how can I be a better friend today?’ When you derive value and worth from looking beyond yourself, you will naturally shift how you feel about yourself. When you are sitting down with your list of action items and you still feel lost or unsure of where to start, I use this question ‘What is the most efficient use of my time right now?’ Intention is a very powerful tool however on its own will not yield results. Intention+Action=Success.

Chunk down what needs to be done into bite size steps, I call these micro wins. You can also think of it as individual Lego blocks. Perhaps you need to create a presentation for the team – just writing out the slide headings is a micro win. You made progress! It’s when you imagine the whole presentation in its entirety – it generates overwhelm. But tackling it one micro win at a time on a consistent basis is where you gain momentum, progress and ultimately success.

Trust the process

In December 2018, I gave a TEDx talk titled ‘How to create micro wins’. I spoke about a formula called ACT which is about attitude, consistency and trust. I briefly covered the attitude and consistency elements above. But the missing link, the invisible ingredient that will get you through your overwhelm is trust. It is about trusting the process of creating these micro wins every day – despite seeing the result but you still persevere, that’s when the magic happens. Eventually you see the progress of creating these wins daily – your body gets stronger, you get less emotionally reactive, the presentation becomes a final document – you achieve your goals. It is about trusting this process and turning down the volume of the negative self-talk of the inner critic. The ‘should be chatter’ – You should be further by now, you should have more money in the account’. It is that little voice of the inner critic that fuels your overwhelm and causes you to get into this looping thought cycle. The kryptonite of the inner critic is action. Even the tiniest step like running on the spot for 5 minutes, sending that email, waking up 10 minutes earlier. Take your power back and you will start to reduce your overwhelm.

Assess your expectations

In order to manage your overwhelm, you need to be really honest about what you can get done in a day. Even though this is our new normal, there is nothing normal about it. You cannot expect the same output as a regular ‘8am to 5pm’ day and even then you were never working that amount of time in the day. My advice is drop all expectations. Drop them! Take initiative, map out your top 3 action items, schedule them into the calendar and then do the best you can. Be realistic about what can happen in the day. If you only get one big thing done than accept it. You cannot drive yourself crazy over your perceived version of reality versus the actual version of reality.

Presence – guilt = harmony

Balance doesn’t exist, never has and never will. I like to use the term harmony. What’s beautiful about harmony is that it looks different for everyone. When you wake up, journal about how you would like the day to unfold –set your intention. How do you want to feel, who do you want to show up as? Walk into the day with that guiding your thoughts, behaviours and actions. The key to creating harmony is being present and dropping the guilt. When you are working, then focus on your work and don’t feel guilty about not being with the kids. When you are doing housework, homework or self-care, don’t feel guilty about not working. Put your focus and attention into the task at hand. When you are done for the day – remember – you set your quitting time – then put away the devices. When you do spend time with your family in person or speak to your family remotely, then don’t try and sneak in extra work. Do not multi-task, they are not an item on your to do list. In this environment, it is quality that matters, not the quantity. So when you are with loved ones, make it count and give your full attention. This is how you create your version of harmony and make the most of the situation.

Here’s to taking control of your overwhelm,

Warm wishes

Lori

LORI MILNER is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.