by Lori Milner
In addition to being a speaker, trainer and author I am also a coach. This word coach has never sat well with me because I’ve realized what I truly am is a ‘permission agent’. I have had many conversations with people over the years from wanting to start a new business to taking on a new hobby like running.
After an event, Sarah approached me and asked me for a few minutes to chat. She started telling me how she embarked on a huge goal to run a 25km race for a charity organisation. Now Sarah was not a runner and in fact hated exercise. She agreed to do the race because the organisation looked after people suffering from Cancer and this hit home for her as her mom was a cancer survivor. I thought she was going to tell me how she never completed her goal but quite the contrary. Not only did she achieve her goal of completing the race, she finished in the top 20 people.
Her question to me was ‘What do I do now?’ I was a bit puzzled, I asked if she meant taking on new challenges like the Comrades? She said not at all, she just doesn’t know what to do now that the race is over because she misses the training in the early morning and the community she built with fellow runners. My answer to her was ‘Why can’t you just be a runner?’ Her eyes went wide and she had a look on her face of pure perplexity. ‘Do you mean I can just be a runner?’
What she needed was someone to give her permission to continue because the charity organisation was the permission to begin this journey. You see she has small kids and the only time she could train was 5am. Now that the race was over, she felt too guilty to take the time off to train in the mornings before school. The fact that she loved it didn’t seem enough for her. It felt too selfish to take this precious hour purely for her self-care and benefit. After our chat, she was so energised and excited because someone had given her this hour back guilt free.
This story has stayed with me for long because it demonstrates that what often holds us back is not external factors or the excuses we blame for our inaction. In fact, it is the lack of unconditional self-acceptance that prevents us from making progress on things that matter to us.
Another client Bev, wanted to start her own business but felt like she didn’t have enough experience or she needed to do a few more workshops or read a few more books before she was ‘ready’ to start. Her idea was so novel and unique but she didn’t know how to back her own abilities and vision.
Think about your life now – are you not moving forward on something because you are waiting for someone or something to give you permission?
Don’t wait for your dream to show up in someone else’s plan.
You don’t need to know what the end result will be, but just start with zero expectation. Sometimes we don’t take action because we feel like well ‘my boss will see my potential and how I would be great for this role’ or ‘This next article is going to be the one to launch me; this next deal is going to put me on the map, this video is so brilliant it’s going to go viral and create a trajectory in my career like Simon Sinek or Brene Brown after TED’. They are the exception, not the norm by the way.
This type of thinking is just waiting for another form of permission in disguise. The idea that someone else will discover how amazing you are and catapult you to the next level in your career or business. Even if you just want to reignite your painting, music, singing or baking hobby – the pure love of it and because it makes your soul sing and ignites you is enough. There is often this feeling of waiting to be chosen. When ‘they’ see how good I am, then I can really take it seriously.
We are facing a time that is new, uncomfortable and really putting us all out of our comfort zones. Now more than ever is the time to take action on things that will energise you to fill your cup so you can perform and be at your best.
As an official permission agent, I give you full permission to begin today. And then tomorrow when you wake up, remember to choose yourself. You have to make this a daily practice and remind yourself every day that unless you are the permission agent, you will never break the cycle.
Start on that course, hobby, and business idea. Have that conversation, send the email, ship the proposal...
Even if you don’t fully believe you should have permission today, your future self does.
Here’s to day 1 of choosing yourself,
Warm wishes
Lori
LORI MILNER is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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