by Lori Milner
How many times have you set you yourself New Year’s resolutions goals only to fall off the wagon within a few weeks? Mainly this is because you left it up to motivation and willpower which I hate to tell you is not a good strategy for success. Firstly – willpower is like a muscle and it becomes fatigued from overuse.
This is a problem because you don’t just have one willpower battery for work and another one for home. They are the same battery. And this bucket is used to control your thought processes and emotions. As researcher and author, Roy Baumeister said in an interview:
‘You have one energy resource that is used for all kinds of acts (of) self-control. That includes not just resisting food temptations, but also controlling your thought processes, controlling your emotions, all forms of impulse control, and trying to perform well at your job or other tasks. Even more surprisingly, it is used for decision making, so when you make choices you are (temporarily) using up some of what you need for self-control. Hard thinking, like logical reasoning, also uses it. Most self-control failures happen in the evening after a long day of traffic, bickering kids, pointless meetings, and other things that zap our self-control.’
So how do you remained focus on your goals when the willpower battery is in the red?
One strategy I use to hack the willpower excuse is to use my future self.
I made a decision last year to give up drinking, not that I ever indulged much but the occasional glass of wine or whisky on a Friday or Saturday night. I realised I don’t like drinking for many reasons – the main one being it affects my sleep and I land up staring at the ceiling at 2am and wake up exhausted as I my rising time is 4:45. I don’t have anything against anyone enjoying themselves with a glass of wine or G&T but this is the decision that works best for me.
BUT…on the occasion where I am at a special dinner or holiday without the kids, I think to myself ‘this time will be different, it will make the dinner even more special’. So I order a glass of wine or a cocktail (and I’m only talking one here) and then inevitably at 2am I am awake wondering why I thought it would be any different. My body just doesn’t like it.
Its human nature right? My solution – I bring out my future self for guidance. I have a standing reminder that pops up in my calendar every Saturday night at 19:30. It says ‘Reminder – you don’t like drinking!’
It sounds ridiculous but it works. As a result, I keep my normal wake up time around 5am to give me the precious time to meditate and journal before my kids wake up on a weekend.
Other questions you can ask yourself before you are about to break one of your rules or resolutions when willpower dwindles is:
What do I value?
When you know what you value, it makes your decisions easier. For example, if you value health then making the choice for the salad over the burger and chips is easier. If you value learning, choosing to spend 30 minutes reading than mindlessly going through the socials will be an easy decision to make.
How is this going to make me feel?
You know yourself...if you do choose to miss the workout over hitting snooze – how is this going to make you feel throughout the day? A better way to rephrase it – if I do make the workout – even if its 15 minutes – I am going to feel like a champion for the rest of the day. That means your confidence goes up and this spills over into every aspect of your life. You will tackle that project head one instead of procrastinating.
Brendon Burchard is an author and high performance coach. He said something very profound about willpower. You only rely on it when you haven’t made a choice. If you need to ask yourself back and forth whether you should wake up to run in the morning, it’s because you haven’t made the choice to be healthy.
What next? Take some time, even 10 minutes and journal what you value. What really matters to you for the year ahead?
Clarity is power and once you know what you value, it makes all decisions easier and you can use your willpower for the really challenging times. Think about the triggers that normally trip you up – is it a Friday night binge drinking session and the rest of the weekend is a right off? Once you have this level of self-awareness you can interrupt your habitual patterns and start to make the changes that will be in your best interest.
Set reminders throughout the day with a positive message about your goal. Or a reminder that goes off on a Friday after work to do that walk or call your mother when you would normally hit the couch. You can leave post it notes around high touch points like your laptop or fridge. Create a screen saver of a positive image of the outcome once you achieve your goal or an inspiring quote or even one word to serve as a prompt.
Success is not an overnight event but a series of small decisions throughout the day that accumulate over time. Here’s to really making it your 2020!
Warm wishes
Lori
Image Credit: Personal Trainer Academy
LORI MILNER is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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