by Lori Milner: author, entrepreneur, thought leader and founder of Beyond the Dress
Most of us live with this feeling that we are not living our greatest potential. It usually comes down to one habit, trigger or pattern that we repeat again and again that holds us back. So when it comes to making a change - for example, start exercising, eating better, stop smoking, participate in meetings – we need to become aware of the barriers holding us back.
For me trust is the most important ingredient to make a true behaviour change. Have you ever decided you wanted to get fit and so you went to the gym a few times, maybe even 3 weeks in a row but you didn’t really see much difference? And naturally, you think to yourself – well it’s not working I may as well quit. Sound familiar?
We are a culture of instant gratification junkies and everything we want is a click away. When it comes to a new goal or habit, we expect the same. ‘I want to stream my learning curve, download my new body so I don’t have to go through the discomfort of doing things differently’.
The secret ingredient to combat this need for instant gratification is trust. Trust is not a tangible resource, we have to follow it blindly in the dark and maybe bump into a few walls. But when we can trust the process of creating micro wins (small successes) day and after day – even when we don’t see the results and still persevere, that’s when the magic happens. Eventually we see the progress of the multiple wins day after day. We see our concentration getting better, the novel forming, our bodies getting stronger and we achieve our goal. It is about trusting the process and turning down the volume of the inner critic’s negative talk. You know that ‘should be’ mental chatter – you should be further by now, you should have more in the account, you should have more clients?’
So how do we persevere on our goal or habit change before we see the result? I have 2 solutions.
1. Let go of perfection
Replace perfection with progress.
Trust the daily progress, one micro win at a time. Done is better than perfect, because there is no perfect without being done. Be kind to yourself – remember, when we decide to start on something new, we aren’t going to be very good initially. This creates a feeling of lack of control and inadequacy and so we tend not to persevere.
If you want to start a blog on business or parenting, the first few won’t be your best but by the time you get to blog number 20 – you will be way ahead. If you want to start a YouTube channel, the first few videos will feel quite awkward but by video number 50 – you are well into your stride. Aim for progress each time you do it. Trust the learning period until you build your confidence. And above all, be kind to yourself through this and celebrate your wins along the way.
This is incredibly important because if we dismiss the little successes, by the time we achieve our big successes – we feel like we don’t deserve it. We feel like imposters because we haven’t internalised the wins and we have not reinforced the self-belief needed to move forward.
2. Focus on process, not results
When I was writing Own Your Space - I scheduled in time daily and consistently showed up to the manuscript. However - It wasn’t about the results – it had nothing to do with how many lines or pages I completed in the allocated time. It was about the writing. Showing up to my own ideas. They didn’t have to be good ideas, each bad draft was a micro win to a good page. And sometimes my micro win for the whole day was one good sentence. And celebrating that little success of one good sentence propelled me to the next one.
That’s what micro wins do – they are the antidote to inaction.
The world doesn’t reward perfection. It rewards productivity.
If you need to create a presentation for a client – remind yourself to tackle it one micro win at a time. Don’t create the entire presentation, just create a slide. Pick a small, manageable goal and follow through. Then pursue the next. These smaller steps give you the opportunity to succeed more often, which will build your confidence.
When you feel overwhelmed about your goal – remember 3 simple words and then take action: Don’t try. Trust.
Here’s to trusting your process.
Warm wishes
Lori
LORI MILNER is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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