How to stay positive and choose joy every day

By Lori Milner: author, entrepreneur, thought leader and founder of Beyond the Dress

As women, we juggle multiple roles every hour, never mind every day. Here are some tried and tested steps I incorporate into my daily routine to stay positive and make sure I actively choose joy in my life.

Choose your thoughts

The first step to staying positive is to take control of the thoughts you think. Our inner dialogue – what we communicate to ourselves – has a huge impact on the way we project ourselves to the rest of the world. The first tool is when you find yourself in a spiral of negative self-talk, stop yourself and thought replace. A great technique to use is made up of 3 steps, ‘Stop. Challenge. Choose’. 

1. As soon as you become aware of a negative thought, stop yourself.

2. Next, challenge the thought – is it based in reality or is it an irrational thought? For example, I am not good enough, I will never achieve X...

3. Choose the new positive thought to replace it.

One also needs to be very aware of words that pepper our daily vocab like ‘I’d better; I must; I should have’. These phrases are commonly referred to as ‘Mind Sneakers’ and create anxiety and cause us to put unnecessary pressure on ourselves. When we wake up in the morning ready for day, never start the day asking yourself ‘what should I be doing’, ask yourself what do I want to do? The one brings creativity and the other an element of fear and stress. When you work from your authentic self, you will naturally be more positive and happier. 

Gratitude

One of the greatest gifts of being human is the ability to choose what to focus on. No matter where you are and what your situation is, your focus can be shifted to something positive. Take yourself off autopilot, take a step back and practice gratitude. Leading gratitude researcher, Robert Emmons, has defined gratitude as ‘a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life’. We can cultivate gratitude by practising gratitude. In fact, the benefits of developing a gratitude practice are well-researched and numerous. ‘We now have scientific proof that people who practice gratitude through activities such as keeping a gratitude journal are more loving, forgiving, and optimistic about the future. They exercise more frequently, report fewer illness, and generally feel better about their lives. One of the biggest benefits of gratitude is reducing negative emotions: Feelings like anger, bitterness, and resentment are incompatible with gratitude.’ He goes on to say that cultivating more gratitude ultimately means feeling less negative. As Tony Robbins says ‘You cannot feel angry and grateful at the same time’ so cultivate joy through gratitude. 

Get enough sleep

Sleep deprivation brings out the worst version of ourselves and for those of you who have ever had to deal with new born babies, you will be nodding in agreement. Do not under estimate the importance of sleep. As Arianna Huffington says ‘treat it like a meeting in your diary – like a plane, train – you can’t miss it’. You need to treat it with same importance you would as if you were meeting your CEO. In a Harvard Business Review article called “Sleep Deficit: The Performance Killer,” Charles A. Czeisler, the Baldino Professor of Sleep Medicine at Harvard Medical School, has explained how sleep deprivation undermines high performance. He likens sleep deficit to drinking too much alcohol, explaining that pulling an all-nighter (i.e. going twenty-four hours without sleep) or having a week of sleeping just four or five hours a night actually “induces an impairment equivalent to a blood alcohol level of 0.1%. Think about this: we would never say, ‘This person is a great worker! He’s drunk all the time!’ yet we continue to celebrate people who sacrifice sleep for work.”  While sleep is often associated with giving rest to the body, recent research shows that sleep is really more about the brain. So, sacrifice an extra hour of Game of Thrones and you’ll be feeling happier, more relaxed and ready to face the day. 

Drink water

Get in the habit of increasing your water intake to 2 litres per day. It’s getting colder so how about hot water and lemon or rooibos tea? It has huge benefits to the body and keeps you working at your optimum level. Some benefits include an increase in energy & relieves fatigue, promotes weight loss, improves skin complexion and is a natural headache remedy. A great strategy is to keep a water bottle on your desk so you can keep filling it up throughout the day. This tiny tweak is a guarantee for a healthier, happier you.

Let go of perfection

One of the main barriers to confidence and feeling good about ourselves is our innate pursuit of perfection. Ultimately, we are terrified that we are just not good enough, a fear that often feeds a crippling drive for perfection.

 But the world doesn’t reward perfection. It rewards productivity. Only by wading through the imperfect can we begin to achieve glimpses of the perfect. So, how do we escape perfectionism? 

The solution is don’t try to get it right in one big step. Just get it going. Don’t write a book, write a page. Don’t create the entire presentation, just create a slide. Pick a small, manageable goal and follow through. Then pursue the next. These smaller steps give you the opportunity to succeed more often, which will build your confidence. If each of your goals can be achieved in a day or less, that’s a lot of opportunity to succeed and leave you feeling more positive and boost your self-esteem.

Exercise: Boost happy chemicals

Slogging through a few miles on the treadmill can be tough, but it’s worth the effort! Exercise releases endorphins, which create feelings of happiness and euphoria. Don’t worry if you’re not exactly the gym junkie type — getting a happy buzz from working out for just 30 minutes a few times a week can instantly boost overall mood. If you don’t feel like doing it on your own, find an accountability buddy to walk with during lunch or those cold winter mornings. It’s a great way to motivate and provide support to one another.

Make your bed

This is very simple yet incredibly powerful and was quoted several times in the best seller book ‘Tools of Titans’. The reason that making your bed is so powerful is that it gives you a feeling of accomplishment first thing in the morning. It also encourages you to do even more tasks, enabling you to get more done. It teaches you that it's the little things in life that matter.

It is also about exerting control where you can, because no matter what happens during your day, no matter how catastrophic it might become, you can make your bed.

And if you work from home, it provides an even stronger impact, as a disorganised external environment can be very distracting and ultimately affect your productivity.

Meditate

Practicing meditation regularly provides a number of different research-proven benefits, ranging from stress management to lower anxiety. The form that I regularly practice is called transcendental meditation, or TM, which involves making a repetitive sound or repeating a mantra to serve as "white noise" to still the mind. If you're new to meditation, start small. In the book, Joy on Demand’ Chade Meng Tan suggests you start with one breathe.  He started the program ‘Search Inside at Yourself’ at Google which has become a worldwide success. He says the main benefit is to be able to respond, not react. ‘It is about being able to observe my thoughts instead of being shaken by them’. Just 20 minutes a day will leave you calmer, happier and allow you to make better decisions. Whether you do TM or mindfulness meditation, the results are life changing. Mindfulness is a basic human capacity. The capacity to be present. It means the mind is fully attending to what is at hand – what you’re working on, the person you’re talking to, the surroundings you’re moving through. The benefits include increased focus and creativity and reduced stress and anxiety, helping you to manage the demands of a modern lifestyle.

Journal

When I was 21, I attended a course which taught me the most powerful exercise I still do 15 years later. Take a piece of paper and write down 2 columns: Everything you want to be (the qualities you aspire to) and everything you want to do. By writing down what you want, you make the intention tangible and create the possibility in your mind. It’s not enough to think about it, write it down and then everyday focus on what you wrote about. Visualise your goals and the person you want to become, another great tool is a vision board where you make a visual collage of your goals. 

By taking time every morning to write your thoughts down, no matter which method you choose, you can start your day on a more positive note.

Here’s to choosing joy every day,

Warm wishes,

Lori

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LORI MILNER is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.

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