by Lori Milner: author, entrepreneur, thought leader and founder of Beyond the Dress
Our people skills come down to how well we interact with the people around us, and the strength of the relationships that we build. We already know that performance alone doesn’t count for everything. Of course, our ability to do our jobs well is critical to our career success, but often it’s our overall image that plays a bigger role in determining how successful we will be. And central to that image is how we handle our interpersonal relationships.
One way to create strong interpersonal communication skills and become a better listener is to ‘be Switzerland’. Leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith suggests that, for a week, you think of yourself as a human Switzerland. That means that any idea that comes your way from another person is treated with complete neutrality. Don’t take sides, don’t express an opinion, and don’t judge the comment. Just say, ‘Thank you.’ Or even, ‘Thanks, I hadn’t considered that.’ Or, ‘Thanks, you’ve given me something to think about.’ After one week, you’ll have significantly reduced the number of pointless arguments you engage in at work or at home.
According to Goldsmith, nobody can argue with you when you don’t judge their ideas. ‘People will gradually begin to see you as much more agreeable, even when you are not in fact agreeing with them. Do this consistently and people will eventually perceive you as a welcoming person, someone whose door they can knock on when they have an idea, someone they can brainstorm with and not feel demotivated or judged.’
One of my clients decided to put this into practice, not just for one week, but for the entire duration of her third trimester of pregnancy. Up until then, she had been worn down daily by well-meaning colleagues who were constantly dishing out ‘expert advice’ about childbirth and pregnancy. She decided to bank the ideas that worked for her, and discard the ones that didn’t. But whether the advice was good or bad, she’d smile graciously and say, ‘Thank you.’ She understood that all people wanted to do was help her, and she acknowledged it without judgement. It made her life a whole lot easier from then on.
Here’s to owning your people skills,
Warm wishes,
Lori
LORI MILNER is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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