by Ashika Pillay
Most of us don't like the feeling of stress. We don't like the body sensations, the feeling of anxiety, and most importantly, we don't like a sense of being out of control. It seems like there could be a threat in our immediate environment, and we appraise that situation as something that could be dangerous to us, could take something away, or could have long-lasting consequences.
We intuitively assess whether we have the resources to cope with the situation. When we feel like we may not be able to cope, it could further amplify that stress reaction. Our bodies are flooded with the hormones of stress, our brains are unclear, and our emotions are overwhelmed.
So, how do we begin to work with stress in a more sustainable, wiser, more skillful way?
There's no doubt that every day, in some way, whether it's our work, our homes, our children, our significant others, extended family, communities, or countries, we are all facing some level of change. Ultimately, any change in the environment is actually what creates stress. And the nature of the world is that it's changing all the time.
Essentially, when we have an unhealthy reaction to stress, it may be because we are not adapting wisely to changing circumstances. Stress is inherently about an internal reaction to an external event.
The first thing we can do is to accept that we live in an ever-changing world and that this is part of life, that adaptability is part of our nature.
Next, we can reset our nervous systems - from activated and deregulated to calm and regulated. How do we do this? The body is intuitively wise, and it knows on its own what to do. You've often reflexively taken a deep breath when you have encountered something that feels challenging to you. What that deep breath does is it activates the “braking" nervous system of the body, the so-called parasympathetic nervous system.
The nervous system gets blood flowing back to our executive centers, away from the so-called limbic (emotional) networks of our brain, which detect threats. We can then see things more clearly, and we can think clearly. We can have alternate perspectives and even hold opposing views.
The third thing that we can do is change our relationship to stress. The view that stress is always bad for us, is common and understandable. Of course, chronic unremitting stress is unhealthy and leads to mental, and emotional breakdown. According to Kelly McGonigal, health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, stress may only negatively affect your health if you believe it will. Additionally, stressful situations, if viewed as a “stress is enhancing” vs “stress is debilitating” can result in positive affect and greater cognitive flexibility. In other words, we feel better and we think better.
So yes, we may start off appraising a situation as a threat - “This is not good for me”. However, we may find a different appraisal of this event. How could we see this event differently? Often, we may have fallen into what we call mental traps, and faulty thinking. During coaching, we can inquire into some of these traps. Some of these are all-or-nothing thinking, black-or-white thinking, generalizations, negatively seeing things, mental filters, assumptions, and jumping to conclusions.
So, when we inquire into our thinking, we ask questions like
Can I think about this differently?
What trap have I fallen into?
What don’t I know?
If the worst outcome comes true, can I deal with it?
What support do I need?
In so doing, we can appraise the situation differently and change the perception of this event. This, by itself, can change our physiology. When we think of a different thought, we ignite a different emotional reaction in the body. We can have questions rather than be certain about an outcome.
In summary, we cannot stop the world from changing, however, what we can change is how we respond adaptively rather than maladaptively to the change. We can have mental flexibility by challenging our thinking and we can have emotional flexibility by regulating our nervous systems.
So, ask yourself these questions. What is my relationship to stress? Do I believe that stress is negative and only harmful? Do I fall into any mental traps? Do I work from a place of a dysregulated nervous system?
It is possible to have a more wise and skillful approach, which needs awareness, action, practice, and kindness.
#stress #managingstress #mindfulness #emotionalregulation
Dr Ashika Pillay is a medical doctor, executive coach and wellbeing and mindfulness teacher. She is a mum of three boys and wife to Thiru Pillay. She believes that the nexus of all her skills is here - to create a space for personal wellbeing, and leadership by living wholeheartedly into our lives, and finding the potential make a change in our lives and the world. She has completed an MBA, and is passionate about Functional Medicine which approaches medicine in a holistic, multi-dimensional manner. She is also a member of faculty at a coaching school, a board member at the Institute of Mindfulness of South Africa and works with corporate clients and students at present.
Her philosophy is in total wellbeing, preventative medicine and mindfulness as routes to us evolving into the best versions of ourselves - mentally, physically and spiritually.
Her passions are women’s health, neuroscience, stress management, yoga and meditation.
Contact details: pillay.ashika5@gmail.com
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