by Nontobeko Mbuyane
I have been told on several occasions, “you always land gracefully on your feet,” even from people that are close to me. If gracefully landing is defined by falling forward, becoming flexible in the face of turmoil in my life, being pushed backward and then standing in the uncomfortable truth of the reality of it all before landing one toe at a time, then that’s fine, you can in fact say, I land “gracefully”. Have I cared what people thought at times? Well, absolutely not at all - I am continuously working on how not to give energy to thoughts that do not add value to my life. If it’s thoughts that are not positive or meant to push me further in life, sadly I do not give even the slightest energy to those? My constant interactions with the great women and men of this world through their books are my drive. You are a product of your thoughts and what literature you read. So, if you are continuously going to be infiltrating your mind with negative thoughts, I honestly implore you to start positively affirming your life today. Begin each day with great prospects of how it will turn out, align yourself with positivity, surely the universe shall hear and your life shall be minus the constant negatives you always think of, or rather express.
Adverse Situations
Just as you know, I am very much aware too how leading a positive lifestyle can be difficult. It’s usually easier to complain, see the worst of situations, experience things as tough as they are and giving up. But that should not deter you for seeing hope at the end of it all, after all it is said that light only appears after dark. I used to have a go-to response when asked how I really was, “I’m not ok, but I will be”, and not clarifying on much else. Maybe it was my honest attempt at articulating what I feel. But with always wanting to be a better person, I then learned that this was actually a trauma response. The best response to give in any situation is, I am fine, and surely no matter what, you shall be fine. Whether it does not happen as soon as you would wish is another matter, but the bottom line is you will be fine eventually.
I love people that live freely. People that have jumped over adverse situations, sometimes outside of their control or even sometimes consequentially due to their own decisions and have crossed over overwhelming obstacles, irrespective of the judgments, while continuing to discover how things will work for them. Even when the plan is unclear, somehow they still share the outcome, eventually. I love people like me that keep going and show up authentically.
Holding Yourself in Bondage
I think that there are so many people that are afraid to choose themselves over what “looks right,” that they judge the very people who are doing just that. The people who truly are living for their own happiness and best interests. At times, even the people that love us will judge us, because they cannot see outside of their own experience of shame. I will tell you from experience, anytime that you allow yourself to be complacent in a situation, only because you are afraid of the challenge of finding out what may happen on the other side of it, and because of the fear of what it may take to get there, you are holding yourself in bondage to people’s opinion of your life. That’s no way to live! There is only so much masking that you can do until one day you look in the mirror and do not recognize your own reflection. Every single connection that we allow is a reflection of our self-identify and esteem in that moment of our lives. I do not discount any person that has come into my life at anytime, I honor their existence because they were a part of my journey and they let me know how I felt about myself. So, everyone has had value. At times when growth had to occur, whether I felt I needed it at the time or not, something happened either on their behalf or mine that caused them to be removed from my immediate presence. Some say coincidence, I say divine timing. Most times, either of us may have been upset, even if it were in the best interest, it was still painful, yet necessary. There were times it was an ugly separation, and at others a gentle release.
Entitlement
Sometimes when you share lessons publicly at the time that you are walking them through, you are open to people that subconsciously project their own doubt because their access to your lesson was prematurely given. Always ask for guidance and clarity from whatever source of higher power that you follow prior to doing so; they won’t lead you wrong. There are so many lessons that I’ve had in the background, especially in times when I didn’t think I needed to learn them. Some as a seemingly grown-yet rebellious teenager unwilling to listen, but for that I am grateful and unashamed, because I am sure that such needed to occur just the way it did. The work to get to a place of peace is a beautifully complicated mess of a journey that may seem never-ending, and sometimes like me, you may be living in real time while people watch in a futuristic state. That’s ok, because you are human. I believe that until you determine what truly works for you and what does not, you will always project your fears on to others. The entitlement to think that you know what’s best for another person will always be shockingly loud, so let them work through their process to determine it for themselves. That’s not to say that your support isn’t necessary. However, the road to finding your path is a very personal space. Since we are constantly evolving beings, there will often be missteps along the way that may discourage your progress, but keep walking anyhow - surely you will get there! Whatever the case is, if we fall, we rise up GRACEFULLY!!!
Nontobeko Bee Mbuyane is the CEO & founder of Bee’s Beauty Haven & Bee’s GlutaSpa Group of Beauty Centre’s based in Mbabane, Eswatini. These beauty boutiques passionately delivers quality client tailored skin care solutions and specializes on Glutathione brands to provide skin care solutions for all skin types clientele. Nontobeko holds a Bachelor of Social Sciences degree from the University of Eswatini, Certificate in Esthetics from South Korea and a Certificate in IV Therapy. She is a qualified Communications Specialist & has worked for International Non-Profit Organizations and gained invaluable stakeholder & public relations experience. Her growing up with an informal trader grandmother gave her business experience from the age of 10 where she took up being a vendor beside her grandmother. Her passion has seen her running several informal businesses until the birth of The Bee’s Group of Beauty Hubs brand. She is passionate about Women and Child Protection Issues and writes as a Columnist for Eswatini Newspaper, Eswatini News and owns her own BlogSpot where she tackles key self-help issues and shares most of her life experiences as a woman, mother and business woman. www.nontobee.wordpress.com
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