by Nontobeko Mbuyane
I read in some book sometime ago that waiting is not mere empty hoping, but It has the inner certainty of reaching the goal. And with time I surely agree with that as well. Coming from me that is really something big because I have been an impatient person for much of my life. I wanted things to happen to me. I sort of had a flow chart of how my life should go and I really didn’t know much about waiting. I thought it was something you did if you didn’t have courage or conviction. It was just an excuse not to take action. But at least I know better now.
What I have learned since then is that waiting is one of the most powerful tools we have for creating the life we want. I know that the ego, or mind, is very uncomfortable with waiting. This is the part of you that fairly screams, “Do something! Anything is better than nothing!” And, because we are a very ego-driven society, you’ll find plenty of external voices that back-up that message. The mind hates uncertainty and would rather make a mistake than simply live in a state of “not knowing” while the right course unfolds.
Subconscious level
If we can slow down instead, the landscape gradually becomes clearer, the way it does when your eyes adjust to a darkened room. We start to use all of our senses. The ego wants a brightly lit super-highway to the future, but real life is more like a mess. We take one or two steps in a certain direction, and then face another turning point. Making our way forward requires an entirely different set of skills, and waiting is one of the most important. Always know that there is a proper timing to all things and it is often not the timing we want. There are things that happen on a subconscious level, in ourselves and in others, that prepare us for the next step. Oddly, when the time to act does come, there’s often a sense of unavoidability about it, as if it was always meant to be this way. Just take a look back over your life and you might notice this pattern that I am talking about. First, look at the decisions that you forced; how did those turn out? Then look for times when you just “knew” what to do, without even thinking about it. What happened then? The key to the second kind of decision is waiting for that deep sense of inner knowing. That doesn’t mean you’re certain that everything will turn out exactly the way you want it. Or that you don’t feel fear. But there is a sense of “yes, now’ is the time” in your body that I liken to the urge that nomadic birds get when it’s time to leave town. They don’t stand around debating whether to go, consulting maps and calendars. They just go when the time is right.
Birds
Let us liken ourselves to these birds too - we have and can cultivate that inner sensitiveness that lets us simply know what to do when the time is right. But to do that we have to disengage from the mind. Thinking is useful up to a point, but we usually take it far beyond the point of usefulness. Thing is, we go over and over various options, trying to predict the future based solely on our hopes and fears. We talk endlessly with others about what we should do, hoping that they have the answers for us (and, ideally, trying to get everyone to agree, I know I am guilty here too). We think about what we “should” do, based on any number of external measures such as common sense, morality, religion, family values, finances, and so on. And then usually we add this all up and just take our best shot. Yet a better way is to take stock of what you know and even more importantly, what you don’t know, and then… WAIT. But if there is some action that calls to you, even if it’s seemingly unrelated to the question at hand, do it! Then wait again for another urge to move. Wait actively rather than passively. That means, keep your inner senses tuned to urges or intuitions. Expect that an answer will come.
Procrastination
This is not the same kind of indecision and procrastination that comes when we want to try something new but are afraid to step out into the unknown. If your instinct is pulling you in a certain direction and your mind is screaming at you to “Stop!” by all means ignore your mind. There’s a subtle but very real difference between the feeling of fear (which holds you back from doing something you long to do) and misgivings (which warn you that a decision that looks good on the surface is not right for you). In both cases, look for and trust that deep sense of inner knowing, even if your thoughts are telling you different. Now I know this, if you have to talk yourself into something, try waiting instead. More will be revealed, if you give it some time. Ignore that voice in your head that says you need to make a decision now. Don’t rush through life. Linger in the liminal spaces and see what becomes clear as you sit with uncertainty. Learn to trust your gut more than your head. Have faith that the right course will unfold at the perfect time. And then, when the time comes, just do it, as simply and naturally as the birds take flight.
Nontobeko Bee Mbuyane is the CEO & founder of Bee’s Beauty Haven & Bee’s GlutaSpa Group of Beauty Centre’s based in Mbabane, Eswatini. These beauty boutiques passionately delivers quality client tailored skin care solutions and specializes on Glutathione brands to provide skin care solutions for all skin types clientele. Nontobeko holds a Bachelor of Social Sciences degree from the University of Eswatini, Certificate in Esthetics from South Korea and a Certificate in IV Therapy. She is a qualified Communications Specialist & has worked for International Non-Profit Organizations and gained invaluable stakeholder & public relations experience. Her growing up with an informal trader grandmother gave her business experience from the age of 10 where she took up being a vendor beside her grandmother. Her passion has seen her running several informal businesses until the birth of The Bee’s Group of Beauty Hubs brand. She is passionate about Women and Child Protection Issues and writes as a Columnist for Eswatini Newspaper, Eswatini News and owns her own BlogSpot where she tackles key self-help issues and shares most of her life experiences as a woman, mother and business woman. www.nontobee.wordpress.com
More articles by Nontobeko
