by Nontobeko Mbuyane
The past week was surely not an easy week for me, strangely nothing much happened but I completely broke down. I remember I even sobbed on the phone when my partner called. The most painful part is not even being able to be around to at least provide the emotional support I so much needed. It was after a few days when I regained my composure that I realized that indeed nothing new had happened on the day I broke down, but I have been carrying around so much emotional baggage that suddenly there was no room anymore, thus it all burst out.
Like most people, I have tried to control many aspects of my life to the point that whenever one would be asked to define me, words like, Strong, Resilient and Powerful would top the list. So it is from my episode that I realized that we frankly do not need to be always strong and resilient, we need to be human and feel all the pain life throws at us, as well as go through the emotions. Piling these up does not work in our favor, at least I experienced this. I think most of us fall into this situation because we all want to foresee things before they can potentially happen in order to feel safe and in control. But ironically when we try to control life, we end up missing out on possibilities that may have come our way if only we’d let go and allowed life to happen.
Life Happens For You
Hard as it may be to accept, the truth is we can’t always control life, and sometimes painful things happen that we couldn’t possibly predict or prevent. We need to come to a point of accepting life as it is and know that we can never predict the future. If we did then I’d probably be playing the lottery knowing I’m picking the right numbers. We can’t foresee what’s coming down the road. We can only choose our attitude when we hit roadblocks along the journey, and these ultimately shape our choices. What can help us maintain an optimistic attitude and cope when things go wrong is knowing these three things:
Life happens for you, not to you.
This too shall pass.
Be with what is.
I made a decision long ago to make these my life’s footprints. As a person that draws strength from the Lord’s word, I believe everything that happens to us happens for our good, whether bad or good. When life doesn’t go to plan, we must embrace the change and realize that our lives are composed of chapters, when one has ended another one is about to begin. But we can’t move on to the next chapter if we continually re-read old ones. We have to willingly accept that life goes on, and that we have a chance to create something bigger and better.
Whatever painful or challenging situation you might be facing today such as job loss, losing out on a major business deal, business crumbling down, I plead with you not to play the victim card. Yes, life is showing you flames and all, but that doesn’t mean you need to feel sorry for yourself. This just means you have a better opportunity coming your way. Just fight with your mind to at least remain above the water, with being positive about better days, and don’t allow that situation to drown you. Refuse to be buried by life’s challenges, fight on, and we honestly are all in different battles at different stages of life.
No Season Lasts Forever
I also realized that time plays a crucial factor in our lives. Our time is limited, and it consistently passes at the same speed, with no bias. This means that, with time, the inner turmoil you are currently dealing with will, without a doubt, pass. Surely no season lasts forever, we have never lived all year long in winter and so are the chapters of life. In other words, stop resisting and fighting, the fact that you lost a job won’t suddenly bring it back. Fighting the fact that your relationship ended won’t necessarily have them running back into your arms. I always encourage people to uphold a fighting spirit in life, I am a fighter myself but do always choose your battles wisely as well. Don’t fight to remain in a situation that God has designed that you should step out of and step into a new one. I understand this may not be easy to digest when you’re hurting, its part of the human experience, and it’s okay to take as long as you need as you internalize. Whatever situation or challenge you might be going through, do trust that life is working for you somehow. You just have to understand that the feelings of loneliness, desperation, fear, and loss will pass. You have to stay in the moment and fully accept all that is happening to you. And no, it will not be easy, and it isn’t meant to be, but just trust the process. Often when I face challenges, I remember the proverb “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Our lives are a lot happier when we strive to make the most of what life gives us, but the step before it is equally important: trust the process and embrace the change, whatever it is. Only then, once you stop fighting it, can you go about making your lemonade. We have all been faced with situations in our lives that force our hand. And we likely will be faced with these kinds of situations again in the future. In these moments, it’s important to hold onto the notion that life could be creating space for you to do something differently.
Hardship
If you lost your job and didn’t enjoy the work, life is potentially giving you a hint to pursue something further aligned with your passions and purpose. If you went through a breakup, life is potentially giving you a hint that you deserve and can do better. When I look back on my past, I realize that every loss has taught me beautiful, valuable lessons that now help me in the present. The same is likely true for you. In these moments of inner turmoil, or let’s just call it life turmoil, you are taking mental notes. Mental notes that will help you grow and help you in the future when dealing with whatever else life throws your way. You have made it through loss and hardship before, what makes you think you can’t now? You can!
You just need to remember three things:
Life happens for your benefit not against it.
Everything heals with enough time.
It’s pointless to keep resisting.
The next chapter of your life could be even more amazing than the previous one. So go on and embrace it!
Nontobeko Bee Mbuyane is the CEO & founder of Bee’s Beauty Haven & Bee’s GlutaSpa Group of Beauty Centre’s based in Mbabane, Eswatini. These beauty boutiques passionately delivers quality client tailored skin care solutions and specializes on Glutathione brands to provide skin care solutions for all skin types clientele. Nontobeko holds a Bachelor of Social Sciences degree from the University of Eswatini, Certificate in Esthetics from South Korea and a Certificate in IV Therapy. She is a qualified Communications Specialist & has worked for International Non-Profit Organizations and gained invaluable stakeholder & public relations experience. Her growing up with an informal trader grandmother gave her business experience from the age of 10 where she took up being a vendor beside her grandmother. Her passion has seen her running several informal businesses until the birth of The Bee’s Group of Beauty Hubs brand. She is passionate about Women and Child Protection Issues and writes as a Columnist for Eswatini Newspaper, Eswatini News and owns her own BlogSpot where she tackles key self-help issues and shares most of her life experiences as a woman, mother and business woman. www.nontobee.wordpress.com
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