by Dr Ashika Pillay

The title of this article, a Japanese proverb, encapsulates this year for me. I have heard and read so much about resilience and stress management this year, and all with good reason and need. It really got me thinking though, about what true resilience and strength is and where it comes from.

We are still sitting with so much that is out of our control. Uncertainty and unpredictability are really the only things that we know for sure. 2020, has shown us clearly that life in general, does not always turn out like our plans and who knows what 2021 will look like? To therefore have an unbending mindset is a sure way to create many challenges.

Dr John Demartini says that stress is the inability to adapt to changing environment. In my mind this is about flexibility - adapting to change to bring some idea of balance back. The human body is in fact one of the perfect metaphors for adapting, changing, and bringing balance back. As an example, when the outside temperature changes, the body senses a drop in temperature, and initiates physiological processes to bring the temperature back up - even before you go looking for a sweater to cover up. So, our bodies change, and respond flexibly rather than rigidly, in order to be balanced. If it did not do this, we would literally be dead.

How can we learn some of this flexibility - mentally and emotionally as well. Often times we have fixed views and beliefs about the world - our so called mental models. These models are informed by our experiences in adult and childhood and lead to us seeing the world in a certain way and behaving and acting in a certain way. And, in times of stress, we often react like we always have - that is we default back to the “survive” and fear based mindsets.

Importantly, we also often resist and push back on what’s happening - wishing it away and wanting it to all be the way we want it to be. The opposite of resistance, acceptance, is another core skill that informs our resilience - acknowledging what is happening. Acceptance is really not about complacency or resignation. It’s an active process of seeing the reality of a situation, and then looking for the appropriate way to respond. Seeing the obstacle, so you can find a way through (Ryan Holiday). There’s power and potential in acceptance - it requires presence of mind, clarity of vision and a courage of heart to see opportunity in seeming chaos.

So, in my view, the bamboo, which moves with the changing winds and bends, is capable of weathering many a storm. It accepts and moves with change and in doing that, is capable of not just surviving, but thriving in the future. Ask yourself, in the context of any challenge that you may be facing:

What am I resisting? What would be possible if I see the situation and accept the reality?

How can I be flexible in my approach and what would open up if I explored other options?

So, resilience can be learnt, and flexibility and acceptance expands your circle of control. It does, however, require a desire and intention to release your mental habits - to be plastic, pliable and open.

Change your mindset - and change your life.

Dr Ashika Pillay is a medical doctor, executive coach and wellbeing and mindfulness teacher. She is a mum of three boys and wife to Thiru Pillay. She believes that the nexus of all her skills is here - to create a space for personal wellbeing, and leadership by living wholeheartedly into our lives, and finding the potential make a change in our lives and the world. She has completed an MBA, and is passionate about Functional Medicine which approaches medicine in a holistic, multi-dimensional manner. She is also a member of faculty at a coaching school, a board member at the Institute of Mindfulness of South Africa and works with corporate clients and students at present.
Her philosophy is in total wellbeing, preventative medicine and mindfulness as routes to us evolving into the best versions of ourselves - mentally, physically and spiritually.
Her passions are women’s health, neuroscience, stress management, yoga and meditation.
Contact details: pillay.ashika5@gmail.com