by Marilize Jacobs
This question is usually answered by referring to IQ, test scores and grades. Yet, in business (and life) I believe street smarts – i.e., social and emotional intelligence as well as resilience (also referred to as SQ, EQ and AQ)– are just as important (if not more) than book smarts.
SQ or social intelligence refers to the ability to successfully build relationships and navigate social environments. For entrepreneurs, it is essential to connect with others quickly and efficiently to ensure successful business dealings. This is where networking plays a vital role. As an entrepreneur of two businesses, I have experienced and observed how many entrepreneurs, especially female entrepreneurs in Africa, have great start-up ideas, yet little growth. It is incredibly disheartening to see entrepreneurial endeavours with such promise fail when a valuable contribution to the economy could have been the result. I was asking myself WHY so many entrepreneurs battle with the growth phase and found a common answer grounded in SQ: an inherent fear of networking. In my opinion, SQ is one of the most overlooked yet one of the most valuable skills to GROW your business.
A common answer to my question when asking a fellow female entrepreneur to accompany me to a networking event is usually: “But I am too shy.”
Yes, entrepreneurs often battle with networking due to shyness, which is essentially about MANAGING RISK and females tend to be more risk aversive. We fear rejection in many situations: as mothers, as partners and ultimately also as networkers.
Hanna Kokovai, certified private life coach, explains it as follows: “Women are scared of networking because the concept itself was sold to us by a man in a suit when what we needed was to be seen & heard… To FEEL what feminine networking is supposed to feel like. We were never meant to stand in a conference room wearing plastic name tags and trying to cram our multidimensional gifts & genius into a 30-second elevator pitch.” We need to promote our businesses with our heads as well as our hearts because as women, we sure as hell understand the matters of the heart. And yes, we can utilise this by tapping into another dimension of intelligence also vital for networking success.
Adding EQ to your SQ
Contrary to what you might believe, SQ is not just about your interaction with others. It’s about relationships, establishing trust and creating mutually beneficial opportunities – just as important in business as in your personal life. How do you accomplish that? By integrating EQ, our emotional intelligence, and its roots in EMPATHY.
Philosopher Martin Buber coined the idea of the “I-It” connection which happens when one person treats another like an object as opposed to a human being. Social intelligence is about treating others with respect. If you don’t care and treat others simply as a means to an end; they won’t care about you and business either.
According to Mark Bowden, world-renowned body language expert, keynote speaker, bestselling author, and founder of Thruthplane: “Often people focus too much on themselves and not on enough on the other people they’re networking with. That makes them self -conscious, which means they get anxious. Instead of being self -conscious, be others conscious. That will make you less nervous and anxious about yourself. And it will help you elicit more data from other people, which is better for understanding: do they fit with your business? Are you fit for their business? Can you cooperate with each other? You’re networking to create a human system of cooperation. If you don’t understand each other, you don’t know each other, you don't trust each other very quickly, you can't cooperate.”
Don’t forget about your AQ
Self-compassion can contribute to your AQ (Adversity Quotient), your emotional resilience, and healthier ways to manage stress and setbacks. Resilience can positively impact how we engage with others in social settings. Despite facing challenges, I actively try to participate in networking events. Resilience allowed me to maintain a positive and approachable demeanour, making it easier for others to connect with me.
Do you always have to network in person?
Networking doesn't have to be limited to always meeting and interacting on a face-to-face basis. Camera calls, e-mails and telephone conversations are all accepted forms of networking. Understanding and managing risks is crucial when choosing networking channels. Developing a clear process for networking, focusing on others, and being aware of the human complexity involved is key to building SQ effectively.
What if networking was starting a book club, or bringing snacks to your kid’s netball game to share or asking someone about their dog? Doing someone a favour without expectations.
I promise you, it’s ALL networking, even if your business is not even mentioned once.
If you’re avoiding networking, it’s not because you’re too shy, it’s because you’re trying to fit yourself into a design that wasn’t built to light YOU up.
Vanessa van Edwards, National bestselling author of Captivate and Cues, internationally acclaimed speaker and founder of Science of People, lists the following introduction tips to break the ice when you are networking on a face-to-face or virtual basis.
Hands First: Nail the first impression by using expansive body language and making your hands visible. (even in a virtual situation)
Show your front: Demonstrate competence by aligning your body with the other person’s body. Again, in-person and virtually
The Gaze: We all know that eye contact is important, but there is a sweet spot for eye contact. When we mutually gaze with someone, we produce oxytocin - the hormone of connection. But we do not want to make too much eye contact. In Western Cultures the sweet spot is 60 to 70% of the time. So don’t be afraid to take in the view or look around while you talk. Just make sure you are making eye contact as they speak to you.
Smile Right: Smile when you first meet someone. Practice this in the mirror. You never want to fake smile.
The Words: Keep the introduction very short: Example: “My name is Marilize Jacobs and I am an entrepreneur and a mother. Pleased to meet you”. And yes, it is OK to add something personal like “I am a mother”. Another connection point can be formed here.
Conclusion
Developing a clear process for networking is to understand that the human complexities of EQ and AQ are integral to developing effective SQ. This cannot be replaced by AI as it is about connecting with humans as humans and developing a multi-dimensional, long-term relationship with prospective clients.
Shyness arises from the fear of rejection in networking situations. Overcoming shyness involves recognising the benefits of networking by (1) not just focusing on the self, (2) managing risks consciously, and (3) focusing on creating your value proposition. You’re networking to create a human system of cooperation.
If you don’t understand each other, you don't know each other, you don't trust each other very quickly, you can't cooperate. Studies have shown that positive relationships are part of the recipe for a long, healthy and happy life. The same applies to building a healthy and thriving business. Relationships are crucial. Happy networking
Marilize Jacobs is the founder of two businesses, Pigs Can Fly Interiors & VocalCord Reputation Management in South Africa. She is a reputation strategist with a BCom Marketing Management (UP) and a career spanning interior design, marketing, and PR. Clients, especially in the Financial Services, Legal, Pharmaceutical, Hospitality and Retail industries which revere her strategic skills, thoroughness and tenacity when it comes to building and maintaining reputations. On the personal front, she is a boat skipper and avid cyclist, and also has a pro bono involvement with The Star Academy, an international institution for children with Autism.
Reach her at: marilizeb@mweb.co.za / 082 418 6767
Facebook: facebook.com/pigscanflyinteriors
Instagram: @yespigscanfly
More articles by Marilize
You are not scatter-brained. You are not burnt out. You are multi-dimensional!
I have been told to pick one thing approximately 4,000 times. By teachers. By "Claude" and “ChatGPT”. By that confident person at dinner who definitely peaked somewhere between 2002 and 2008 and now dispenses career advice as if focus is a personality. Even by mentors.