by Emily Kandanga

One of the most key relationships that we need to nurture as women and business owners is our relationship with money. It’s impossible not to have a mental and emotional relationship with money because it’s around us and the driving force and motivator for just about everything we do.

In a world dominated by capitalism, our relationship with money starts at a young age. This is also the same time we learn a lot of the limiting beliefs or habits we then use as guidance as to make money decisions as adults.

Unfortunately, whatever we learned is most likely a flawed limiting way of thinking that now in turn manifests as struggling to save even though you know you should - giving your money away, overspending, penny pinching and a variety of other behaviours that keep us from tapping into the financial abundance we truly desire.

What many of us have been lead to believe is that our relationship with money is unchangeable. It is what it is. “My parents are not rich so I can’t possibly be rich either.” Or we struggled to carry out and stick to the money habits that we know will help us grow our money.

Just because we know what we’re supposed to do with our money, doesn’t make it easier. If you have ever experienced resistance, fear or anxiety when handling or thinking about your money then it’s a sign that there needs to be some inner work done. Work on the unconscious blocks that are keeping you from stepping into the habits that will allow you save, spend in alignment with your goals & actual desires & grow your money.

A lot of our beliefs about money that get formed between the ages of 0-7 don’t get questioned, dispelled or debunked because as a kid we’re living in a hypnotic state where our subconscious minds is like a giant sponge receiving all the information so that it can figure out how this thing called LIFE works aka the rules of engagement.

So, how exactly are we conditioned? We are conditioned in 3 main ways:

Verbal programming
Modelling
Specific incidents

Verbal programming: What did you hear about money, wealth, & rich people growing up?

Did you hear things like:

Money is the root of all evil
Save your money for a rainy day
Rich people are greedy criminals
You have to work hard to make money
Money doesn’t buy happiness

Verbal programming is very important because it leads to a lot of unconscious thoughts and feelings being conditioned into who we are and how we show up in the world. For example: I grew up hearing that certain things weren’t for us. And as an adult it took me till I got to the age of 29 to finally allow myself to go to the spa, get my nails and hair done by someone else – yeah it’s that wild! That unconscious belief kept me from expediting the full joy of what money can do for me – and this is something that should be encouraged. Taking care of yourself and pouring into your cup – but nope that’s selfish right? *insert eye roll* Remember: When the subconscious mind must choose between deeply rooted emotions and logic, emotions will always win!

Modelling: What did you grow up seeing around money? What were your parents or guardians were like in the area of money when you were growing up?

Did one or both of them manage their money well?
Did one or both of them mismanage it?
Were they spenders or savers?
Were they shred investors or non-investors?

Monkey see, Monkey do. We might hate to admit it but the phrase, “the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree”. Something as simple as the way we eat, the way we tie our shoe laces, the way we treat other people etc. – all of these can be programmed into us from a young age. It’s important to acknowledge that, we tend to be identical to one or a combination of our parents in the arena of money and other areas of our lives too.

Specific Incidents: What did you experience when you were young around money, wealth and rich people? These experiences shape the beliefs - or rather the illusions - we all now live by. Did you witness a rich person being rude to a checkout lady and then came to the conclusion that it was the money that made them act this way? This idea may have been further solidified in your subconscious through the verbal programming coming at you from your parents. Or did you have an activating experience as an adult around money? Losing all your wealth? Our beliefs can stem from any moment that activated our system and made us feel a strong emotion.

So, what ends up happening? We begin to view money through a trauma informed lens. We project our trauma onto money the same way we project our trauma onto all of our relationships. If you had a tough upbringing where money was scare, it may take a little while for you to process, heal and rewire your relationship with money.

You may feel a little dysregulated when interacting with this relationship – this is why I’ve teamed up with Certified Financial Planner, Thembi Kandanga, to create the Shift Your Money Mindset program. A course designed to help you understand the energetics of money, learn how your unconscious mind relates to money and learn key practical tools you can begin to implement to make your money work for you. Join the program waitlist here.

Emily Kandanga is a young African entrepreneur with the vision to elevate the health and lives of those around her. Emily was born in Windhoek and was raised in New York, Pretoria, and Kuala Lumpur, this exposure to various cultures & food from a young age has greatly influenced her affinity for people. She is passionate about nutrition, cooking, moving her body and engaging with her community. She holds an honours degree in Event Management, a certificate in Personal Training and a Sports Nutrition Diploma. She prides herself in the ability to leverage movement as a vehicle for inspiration to give her community towards achieving their physical and mental well-being.