Thato Mokhothu-Ramohlanka
I attended a seminar recently with failure as the overarching topic. It’s always refreshing when a group of individuals come together in a safe environment to speak truthfully about their experiences. I realized just how important and necessary these authentic conversations are as a means to dilute the heavy traffic of information that we consume on a daily basis, some of which is not always a true reflection of reality. Failure, unfortunately, is as real as it comes, yet it is one of the least spoken about issues today. People would rather project themselves as pseudo superheroes, adopting phrases like “black don’t crack” than to show the real stories about their everyday struggles.
Life as a young person living in an underdeveloped country can be overwhelming. More often than not, we cannot control some of the crippling socio-economic challenges that come our way, but we do have a choice in how we react to them. When it comes to failure three main components were identified at the seminar, namely: self-talk, environmental influences and balance. Self-talk refers to the conversation that one has with oneself. It is one of the most important conversations that you will ever have as it is a reflection of how you see yourself. You cannot afford to have a toxic relationship with yourself because it will destroy your confidence and ability to perform at your optimal level. When you encounter an unfavorable outcome, what you say to yourself about the event is important.
One participant had a very interesting perspective on self-talk. Over time she has learned to separate herself from the negative situation. She approaches failure in a logical way without attaching negative emotions. The distinction allows her to assess the event with a clear mind in order to identify the real sources of that particular outcome where it often becomes apparent that despite her focus and dedication, sometimes she falls short due to factors are completely out of her control. Some of these include the sporadic lack of running water in her town where water is an essential component for the success of her business.
Our backgrounds and environment determine our outlook on failure. The relationships with our parents and their reactions towards failure during our childhood have a direct impact on how we view failure as adults. If we were brutally punished, shouted at or belittled for failing in our formative years, it is unlikely that we will view failure as an opportunity.
Balance is an important aspect for coping. Most of us have encountered multiple nervous breakdowns because we sacrifice our health, families and friends. We do this because we cannot entertain the idea of the hard work of our parents who sacrificed everything to put us through school to go in vain. We owe it to them and to ourselves to make something of our lives. Yet our obsession with other people’s lifestyles exacerbated by the social media era is increasingly becoming detrimental to our mental health. Young people are becoming apathetic towards education and democratic institutions because both are not living up to their promises and former glory. The pressure of all these issues is literally killing us.
As much as this generation has a reputation for impatience and entitlement, that is a true generalization and does not apply to everyone. There are many young African men and women out there who are keen to make a success of their lives and countries and they continue to rise even when the odds are against them. You should too.
Thato Mokhothu-Ramohlanka is the founding director of MR Consulting which offers legal and management consulting services to SMMEs. She graduated with degrees in Psychology, Sociology, Marketing Management and Law from the University of Cape Town and the National University of Lesotho. Thato is a member of the Global Shapers (Maseru Hub), a global non profit organization founded by the world economic forum that seeks to uplift the youth through various educational projects. She is passionate about young people and uses her writing to uplift and motivate them through their various challenges.
More articles by Thato
