by Claire Holden, Empowerment Coach
I’m passionate about empowerment – “the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights.” This is the area of coaching that I focus on and where I do most of my ongoing learning. The challenge with empowerment is that we don’t often realise how much of our personal power we give away on a daily basis until we feel resentful, run down, fed up and / or confused and uncentered.
How often do you say things like “She made me...” or “How can I be expected to have a good day when you….”. Do you get hooked and react to your squabbling children, the crazy driver or an inconsiderate colleague? Personal empowerment is about a feeling of certainty, centeredness and confidence in our ability to navigate what life throws at us. It’s about holding on to our personal power and realising that between action and reaction there is always a choice and therein lies our power.
Viktor Frankl said it best: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
How empowered are you at this very moment? Are you clear on what you want? On what success looks like? Do you have a sense of certainty in how you want to show up to the world? When we’re uncertain we’re high risk for handing our personal power over to those around us.
Over the years I’ve collected a series of tools that I share in my public speaking, workshops and coaching, that I believe build empowerment and volition. Today I’d like to share the 5 Principles of Appreciative Inquiry which I use as a daily empowerment check-in and reflection tool. In any given situation, I ask myself how these principles are showing up for me.
The Constructionist Principle – our words create our world. The words we use, the way we think and talk about things builds our picture of our reality.
What words are you using? How are you speaking about your country and its economy and politics? How are you speaking about your workplace, the values it cultivates and the people you interact with? What are you saying about your children, their teachers and your spouse? Are you, through your words and thoughts creating negative worlds or intentionally focusing on the best of each situation to build on that? You have a significant choice, as you realise the power of your words to create your world, to change your lived experience.
The Simultaneity Principle – change happens the moment we ask a question or make a statement.
As soon as we start thinking about something, our thinking moves in that direction. What are you thinking? Are your thoughts mostly positive and empowering or negative and overwhelming? Each day, throughout the day, I take a moment think about my thinking. What does your inner voice sound like? Do you say positive things or is your thinking / words all doom and gloom? Are your words about possibilities or powerlessness? Recognising that change happens as we think / speak is incredibly empowering!
The Poetic Principle – we each see things from our own perspective.
This is one of my favourites. We live in a world that is increasingly diverse – every day we interact with people of different genders, sexual orientations, cultures, colours, languages, emotional intelligence, the list is endless. Each person has different life experiences, different beliefs and different perspectives. As we seek to understand and appreciate the perspectives of others, we gain an understanding of what motivates them and our view of the world and ability to empathise expands. What I’ve realised as I’ve reflected on this principle: -
Never ask the one woman in the room to pour the coffee or take the minutes. Nine times out of ten it will be experienced as sexism.
My teenager is sexually mature and ready to find his own tribe. His need to be accepted into this tribe is a matter of survival to his primitive brain. It’s not personal. It’s not about me. It’s a matter of evolution.
The person with the new baby is exhausted and overwhelmed not a selfish skiver intentionally increasing your workload.
There is always another perspective and as we seek to stand in someone else’s shoes we depersonalise things and increase connection. The world is a far kinder space when we inquire about people with humble curiosity.
The Anticipatory Principle – what we look for we find.
We find what we expect to see. If we’re looking for the obstacles, we’ll find more and more of them. If we look out for possibilities, we discover they’re endless. Are you looking for the negative or the positive? Check yourself. Assess what you’ve expecting from a situation. Realise how significantly your expectations impact your experience and adjust your expectations accordingly!
Expecting a tough meeting with your manager? I can guarantee when they ask the first question, you’ll become defensive. Expecting a grumpy teen or stressed out spouse? I’ll put money on the fact that you’ll approach the situation with caution which gets their hackles up. Get into the habit of setting positive expectations and you’ll be surprised how things change and even if the others around you don’t change, your lived experience will.
The Positive Principle – positive beliefs, produce positive action that generate positive results.
This is pretty much the law of attraction. If we believe that we have a ‘fat gene’ we’re unlikely to say no to the slice of cake or wake up at 5 in the morning to train. Negative beliefs seldom generate positive results. When we believe in a positive picture of the future and are inspired by it, we are inspired to take the action, to do the hard work, to get the amazing results. How motivating is the lure of a big performance bonus? Check your beliefs. Unpack what you’re really expecting and evaluate your actions based on that. Work to intentionally, in every situation, imagine the positive outcome you desire and work from there.
It’s incredible what we can achieve when we’re empowered. It’s incredible how our resilience grows, our energy expands and our motivation increases. I hope that these principles become a framework for reflection for you so that each day you can assess how you applied the principles and how you can work to apply them better tomorrow.
For more information on Appreciative Inquire visit https://appreciativeinquiry.champlain.edu/
Claire Holden is an Empowerment Coach with a vision to impact as many lives as possible by working with individuals and groups to maximize their sense of empowerment. Claire believes we have more power than we think and more control of our lives than we realize, and believes empowerment leads to fulfilment & success! Claire started her career in Commerce working primarily in the United Kingdom doing consulting work for large multi-nationals, medium sized companies and small start ups. On her return to South Africa she worked in non-profit organizations gaining experience in a very different sector. The culmination of these experiences led her to take the decision to enter the world of coaching.
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