by Thozama Ponti
It’s very funny how others can describe and say a lot about us, better than we can. Because people are very good at calling other people names, labelling, defining and describing. Unfortunately most often because we don’t know ourselves, we often fall within their descriptions and labels (we accept the things they call us as the best description of ourselves, the clothes they recommend for us, the hairstyles they suggest, and even the careers we must follow, etc.. ) Not knowing yourself can be very harmful for you and your career.
Growing up I heard people saying a lot of things about me. Some of the things I liked, some I hated, and some made me think really hard. If I was not curious, I believe I would have been what they were saying about me, I would have been a confused person, but I decided to challenge their sayings and dare myself. Taking a step of self-discovery is a learning journey. After going through the journey of self-discovery, statements like “tell me about yourself” excites you. When you know yourself, your mission, vision, purpose and values about yourself are so clear that it becomes easy for you to take and make decisions about your life, you know your value and you are able to say no to things that do not match you. You discover that you are a brand and you can’t say, do or entertain things that will taint your brand (you). You can’t be with certain people; you can’t do certain things and you can’t take certain jobs. Your strengths become your passion and your weaknesses become your drive (you are constantly in a mood to challenge your weaknesses).
Let me take you through the steps of self-discovery that can help you discover yourself, and I bet after this thought proving, self-challenging journey you will stand tall on stage just like me and say:
I AM God’s little girl (because of your relationship with God)
I am a teacher (because you are passionate of helping others to acquire knowledge)
I am a mentor (because you guide and support others to reach their goals without getting tired)
I am a mother (because you know your kids and other kids will not imagine life without you)
I am a daughter (because your parents are so proud of calling you ‘my daughter’)
I am a friend (because someone somewhere relies on your friendship)
And I am a sister (because every person I meet feel so comfortable and close to you that they call you sisi)
The first thing to do when taking a self-discovery journey is to:
1. Distinguish your self-beliefs vs what others are saying and believing about you
Remember the describing words of others have no basis in reality but you can use them to assess yourself. The first thing you can do which helped me is:
Distinguish and give yourself realistic titles/positions, I am…, I am.…, I am…., I am an inspirational speaker, I am a teacher, I am Thozama Ponti
Check if you possess the characteristics of what you are calling yourself. For me as a speaker and a teacher I possess amongst others, very good communication skills, superb listening skills, professionalism, confidence, passion, I am approachable, and I am patient.
If you see that you lack some qualities or characteristics of what you are calling yourself, enrol yourself at a college, skill yourself and learn new skills.
And after each training/presentation you conducted give participants ‘end of training evaluation forms’ (check with your participants what did they like about the training/presentation and if they will want to be part of your sessions again). Build on what the participants are saying in the forms, especially your weaknesses.
2. Act out, be you and be the best in your role/s
Remember others are the mother that you are calling yourself to be, others are the daughter that you are calling yourself and are also the teacher that you are, what is setting you out, what is the difference between you and others.
As a mother my roles as a mother are very clear. I am a hard worker, provider, love my children, protect my children, dream for my children and encourage them to dream and have big dreams, I am forgiving and patient. As my kids are getting older, this is one position that seem to constantly test my calling and position as a mother. My kids don’t have to question or doubt my role as their mother. And they are clear about my role and their roles as kids. And I am the best mother they can have.
Be the best sister that you can be to others, be there, communicate, believe in others, and support others.
3. Understand your true worth
Have self-values
Self-value or self-worth is the value or opinions you place on yourself. Your values or opinions must be realistic and clear. One of my all-round values is “Respect” respect to me is very important that I have walked away from people who do not respect me, who do not respect my time, and who do not respect my efforts. I have walked away from situations that showed no respect in what I am and my dreams. Because of respect, I can’t say or do certain things and I cannot allow people to say or do certain things to me.
Value your position/titles
The other thing that keeps me grounded in my positions/titles, is placing a value on my ‘positions” (I am a mother) how much do I worth as a mother or a teacher? I know it is not in monetary value…(but I and sometimes ask my kids how much will they spend in buying me…’if mothers were sold) and if I cost R500 000 will you buy me or will you negotiate the price or will you rather go for a cheaper mom…..funny) When you value yourself, you don’t take ‘any’ because you know your worth and taking decisions about you and what you want in life is simple and clear. (anything that will keep me busy, any job for now, any guy that will marry me…any. any) very dangerous and it’s a no no.
When you value your position, you know how much worth you will be in that job, in that relationship, in that life. As a teacher when your students and parents know your value they will cry and be very sad when you are leaving your job. Because they know they can get a replacement, but it will just not be the same.
4. Believe in yourself, love yourself and reward yourself
Believe that you can: Once you start believing in yourself, you will cherish your strengths. You will replace the talks like: (I can’t believe it’s me’) with (I am very excited, and I knew one day I will accomplish this)
Be patient on yourself, be aware of your weaknesses and fears: know that you need time to get yourself and get some things right. Separate your weaknesses from your fears. Know that everyone has weaknesses and fears (even though they hate to admit it) For now I will say “knowing them is the key.”
Love yourself so hard that you will know the difference in love and true love. Look after yourself, be concerned about your feelings, take care of your feelings
Pamper yourself, reward yourself and take good care of yourself
Go to a spa, do your favourite hairstyle, have lunch at your best eatery, dress nicely for no reasons, check your health.
4. Celebrate yourself, celebrate who you are, celebrate what you have, celebrate where you are.
Change your wardrobe, buy yourself a new car/ new house, go on holiday and maintain your network
And always know that you are a Role Model to someone (I am my niece’s role model and I never knew if it can be scary (why) because she is my niece and she looks up to me and I have to be extra careful).
AND AFTER ALL ‘I KNOW WHO REALLY I AM’
Because I know who I am matters (self-worth)
I know what I am (my position)
I know what I want (dreams)
I know what I have (abilities)
I know where I want to be (goals)
I know how I want to be treated (respect)
And I know why me (because I’m an original)
Thozama Ponti, from Bloemfontein in South Africa, is the founder and CEO of Wilmon Guidance and Development Institute. A company offering Career Guidance Education and Student Support Programs. She is also a Christian Inspirational Speaker and describes herself as God’s little girl, a teacher, a mentor, a mother, a daughter and most importantly a sister. Thozama believes that one of the purposes for her existence is to offer guidance, advise and support that will move people from discouragement to self discovery in order to make clear and right choices about their lives and careers and she does this through both Wilmon Institute and as a Speaker.