By Paula Quinsee, Relationship Expert & Author
As the New Year kicks in, it's important to take time to reflect on the past year and all it has held. This includes both the highs and the lows, and an assessment of how far we have come (so we know how much further still to go). The reason why this is important is so that we can plan better for 2017. As they say "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” By reflecting on both the highs and lows, we can gain valuable insights and feedback for ourselves to help guide us going forward. Here's why....
Often lows are referred to as failures. I don't believe in failures, only feedback. Each experience can teach us something about ourselves and the situation.
When reflecting on a situation where you did not excel ask yourself the following questions:
1. Am I doing something I don’t really want to do?
• If yes, why am I doing this, what is the benefit here and for whom?
• If no, what else about this situation is making me feel uncomfortable or unable to excel?
2. Is it truly worth doing irrespective of how I feel about the situation?
• If yes, what is my motivation for doing this?
• If no, what are the consequences of going ahead regardless?
3. What do I want to do instead?
• How will it benefit me and others in my life?
4. Can I live with the outcome irrespective of what it may be?
• If yes, am I clear and comfortable with why I am doing this?
• Is there anything else I would want to consider instead?
• If no, what would I want to do instead and how will it benefit me and others in my life?
5. What if I did nothing? What would happen then and would I be ok with that?
• If yes, is there anything else I would want to consider instead? What do I stand to gain or lose?
• If no, is there anything else I would want to consider instead? What do I stand to gain or lose?
Think back to some of the decisions you have made this past year, how would you approach them differently now using the questions above? Would you have reached a different outcome and if so, why?
The highs can give us some great insights as to our decision process when we excel in situations. This could be because we had the necessary support, resources, knowledge, skills, insights or positive frame of mind that enabled us to excel in this particular situation. If we can apply this knowledge in situations going forward, we can excel even more. One thing couples rarely do is set couples goals together. We usually focus on our own goals. Goals do not have to be big, hairy ones, they can be as small and simple as spending more quality time together. If you want to build and sustain a great relationship and family foundation consider setting some goals in these areas such as:
6. Do one family activity where you get to spend quality time connecting and bonding with each other
• Ensure the activity is age appropriate and something that everyone can do e.g. ten pin bowling
7. Set a goal together as a couple that you both work towards and where you both benefit
• Make sure it is realistic, achievable and something you both want e.g. putting away money each month for an overseas holiday.
8. Build a better relationship with each of your kids by getting to know your kids better
• Make yourself available for one-on-one time with each of your kids so you can learn more about them and what’s happening in their worlds.
If you would like some help with setting your goals and plans for 2017 please get in touch with me, I'll be happy to help you set a clearly defined action plan that will set you up for success!
Paula Quinsee is a South African Entrepreneur, Coach, Speaker, Mentor, and Author. She is a certified Imago Educator and Professional Facilitator and NLP Life Coach. As a Life Coach, Paula helps people discover the direction that they want to head down in their lives and help them design strategic goals that’ll ensure that they get there effortlessly. Paula holds a BBA Marketing Degree with over 15 years experience in the Marketing and Advertising field in a corporate environment having worked at companies such as Standard Bank, Nedbank and KFC. She is author of a self-help guide 'Embracing Conflict' which is filled with practical tools and insights for personal growth.
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